One of the most profound differences between those with wealth and those without is the ability to engage in direct, honest and straightforward communication.

Until you’ve mastered the art of saying what you mean and meaning what you say in a loving manner to those around you, your wealth will never reach its full potential.

You can’t build a community or support network if you can’t communicate directly and you need a support community to have wealth.  If you need a refresher as to why you need a community to build wealth, please see part one and part two of our series on creating a loving and supportive community.

So many misunderstandings, stress and, for lack of a better word-drama-can be resolved by simply communicating what you really want.

Yet before you take this as a license to be brash and rude and simply spew all over people in the name of “direct, honest and straightforward communication,” I need to make it clear that your communication must be thoughtful and loving.  The objective is to build up the strength of your community, not tear it down in the process!

So with that said, let me give you a few examples of what direct, honest and straightforward communication looks like because it may not be what you think:

Example 1: You’re feeling ignored or neglected in a close relationship:

Wrong Approach: You get angrier and angrier with your friend, but instead of talking to him or her you go to a third person to discuss it or make up stories in your own mind about why your friend is acting like this to you and eventually you begin to retaliate in little ways.

Right Approach: You privately sit down with your friend and share how you’ve been feeling using “I” statements, such as:  I really care about our friendship and I’m sad because I feel as if you have not been giving our friendship/relationship the attention I want.

Yes, having this kind of a conversation can be a little scary.  But, if you want to strengthen and deepen your relationship you will do it because you care more about the health of your relationship than your own fear, pride and ego.

Example 2: An overly needy friend or relative is sucking you dry and preying on your kindness and willingness to always say yes:

Wrong Approach: You keep saying yes to their every request because you just can’t bear the thought of hurting their feelings or letting them down.  Then, you begin to feel resentful, but you still keep saying yes until finally you snap.

Right Approach: You privately talk with your friend and let her know you truly appreciate her friendship and value her in your life.  Then, using “I” statements, you tell her how you are feeling.

For example:  I am having a difficult time saying no to you because I love you so much. But, by saying yes to everything you ask, I am not honoring myself, so for now on, I’m only going to be able to [fill in a boundary that you can set and keep].

Example 3: A co-worker isn’t pulling his weight on the job and you’re fed up with the extra stress.

Wrong Approach: You let yourself get so mad at the co-worker and your boss for not doing anything that you begin to think about quitting your job, even spending a good portion of your day surfing the internet looking for other jobs.

Right Approach: You have a private and honest conversation with your co-worker letting him know that while you like him as a person and you enjoy working with him, you are exhausted picking up the extra slack and will have to talk to the boss if you can’t resolve the work load between the two of you.

For example, you might say: “John, I like working with you, but I’m feeling overwhelmed here at work and need more assistance from you.  Specifically, I need {list out 3 ways John can support you.}  Can you do these things or should I talk with {boss} to work out something that will get us both the support we need?

Now I’ll be the first to admit that walking in direct, honest and straightforward communication isn’t easy.  Sometimes we can’t even figure out what we want-let alone communicate those desires to others!

So rather than pressure yourself to make a change this week, just start by noticing those situations where you are not being honest with your feelings or saying what you really mean. Put some space around it and just sit with it for a while.  Eventually, you’ll get clear on the situation and start to move ahead with direct, honest and straightforward communication.

When that day comes, you’ll begin to notice deeper and more meaningful relationships with those you love as a result.

We’re continuing our series on community this week.  In the new economy, developing cooperative communities in both work and life are going to be the key to your wealth.

• There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community. - M. Scott Peck

• If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth.- Mitsugi Saotome

• We don’t accomplish anything in this world alone … and whatever happens is the result of the whole tapestry of one’s life and all the weavings of individual threads from one to another that creates something.- Sandra Day O’Connor

If you look at wealthy people and celebrities, they are often mocked for the entourage they carry with them. But, if you can look beyond the surface for a moment what you’ll see is that the entourage is a support community.

You don’t have to be uber-rich or a celebrity to deserve, want and, yes, even need your own entourage.

When created with awareness, it’s the entourage that will provide the support you need for you to have the life and business you want.  On the flip side though, the entourage could also potentially drain the life out of you.

As you grow in wealth, you will very likely attract people who are hangers-on, black crabs (you know those crabs that when you put them in a bucket, they try to pull each other down), and energy vampires.  That’s why the first tenet of creating your support community is to set open-hearted boundaries that are clearly communicated to those around you. (To read all of the tenets, check last week’s article.)

Let’s break this down into three steps:
1. Identify your boundaries
2. Discover how to communicate them and
3. Communicate in a clear, loving and direct manner

When you’ve practiced these three steps enough (and yes, they do take practice), you’ll find freedom from the stress, frustration and exhaustion that you are very likely experiencing right now.

You’ll never again bite off more than you can chew because you “feel bad saying no”, get overwhelmed or continue to let people suck you dry emotionally, spiritually or physically to the point you are worn down, disillusioned and bitter when it’s all because you didn’t speak up in the first place.

Instead, you are going to get very clear on your values and what’s important to you and those values will guide your boundaries.  Then you’ll make a commitment to stick to those boundaries.

Yes, there’s going to be some things that come up when you do.

People who are used to hearing you say yes all the time or bend over backwards to support them are going to get a little bent out of shape.  It’s okay, they’ll bend back into shape.

As you learn to stick to your boundaries and follow your heart, the people in your community will respect you more because they’ll know you as a person of your word.  They’ll know you mean what you say and when you commit to something, you’re 100% behind it.  And when you say no with love, it’s because you love yourself and you love the person asking enough not to give them the leftovers of your time, emotions and sanity.

So make a decision to get clear about your boundaries this week and begin to lovingly and with an open heart share them with the people in your life when they are in danger of being crossed.

We’ve all heard the quote, “It takes a village to raise a child.”  Today, I’m presenting to you the idea that it  not only takes a village to raise a child, but also to nurture and empower a successful, satisfied and happy adult.

Whether you seek material wealth, emotional wealth or spiritual wealth, you must learn to foster and embrace your own support community to reach the highest of heights on your journey through life.

The word “community” may look or feel differently for each person reading this article depending on your individual goals, but the fact remains that regardless of what it looks like, we each need a support system to help us when we are overwhelmed, uplift us when we are down, lend a word of wisdom when we are attempting to choose our path and rejoice with us—even over the little things - if we want to experience true wealth in every area of life.

The reciprocal is true in that we must also learn to meet the needs of others who can’t achieve their life’s purpose unless we step up and become part of their vital community.
One of the greatest gifts that this “economic crisis” has given us is a new paradigm of community living and support.  We are finally recognizing that we cannot do it alone. Community and collaboration are the order of the day.

You will either learn to live in and create community or find yourself falling behind.  With that in mind, I present several tenets of creating community.

• Open-Hearted Boundaries Clearly Communicated
• Direct, Honest, Straightforward Communication
• Take Personal Responsibility for Your Own Feelings
• Give Everyone the Benefit of the Doubt
• Don’t Take Anything Personally

Over the weeks to come, we will delve into each of these tenets much more deeply, but between now and then I ask you to watch for these opportunities in your own life.  Make a mental note of where you are allowing your boundaries to be crossed, not communicating directly or blaming others for your feelings, and where you are jumping to conclusions or taking things personally.

There is no action to take now other than awareness.

Do you take things personally that may have nothing to do with you?  Do you  avoid deep relationships because of your pre-conceived notions about the way things “should” be?  Or maybe you’re a people-pleaser and struggle to engage in direct, honest and straightforward communication because you are afraid to hurt someone’s feelings?

All of these attributes will directly affect your ability to foster a core network of community and will have a direct negative impact on your overall wealth.

For now, simply become aware.  There’s nothing to do other than notice.

Next week, we’ll cover what to do with those observations and how to create the support system necessary to have the deep and fulfilling life you really want and deep down know is possible.

Whether you own a national enterprise or a small “mommy business” for side cash, I’m sure you’ve noticed that growing your business isn’t as easy as it used to be.

For some of you, clients and sales have slowed down.  For others, business has come to a screeching halt.

And I’m sure you know at least one person (maybe a client, customer, friend or even family member), who is going through bankruptcy or foreclosure.

Yet here’s the interesting part of it all-there are MANY small businesses passing the six and seven figure mark every single day.

Why is that?  What sets these small businesses apart from the ones that are crumbling under the economic pressure right now?

I’ll tell you EXACTLY what’s going on and how “underdog” business owners are kickin’ butt even in times of trouble.

Some call it a shift to right-brain thinking (a la best-selling author Daniel Pink) and for some it’s a shift back to the relationship and reputation factors that once skyrocketed mom-and-pop shops into national and international success.

I call it the Triple X-Factors.

To be more specific, I’ve identified what makes the difference between businesses that are thriving from those that are merely surviving right now.

Without revealing too much of what I’ve discovered (because I’ll be covering this topic on a no-charge teleseminar Wednesday, September 10 at 3:00 PM ET/ 12 PT and it wouldn’t be fair to my guests!), here’s some “inside information” for you to get started with:

1.  Be known as the REAL eXpert in your industry-   This means discovering how to really hone your message and talk about yourself in a way that leaves no doubt YOU are the expert in your community and the “go to guy” or gal.   To do this, you must really KNOW your target market and learn how to satisfy their ‘pain’ or needs using your services.  You must also be willing to get into the very core of their being and reach them on a deeper/ more intimate level than ever before.

2.  Create a WOW eXperience- Again, the days of throwing your message out there and hoping it sticks is OVER.  To succeed in this shifting economy, you have to give you clients a WOW eXperience that they’ll never forget.   Admittedly, this WOW eXperience will look different depending on what industry you are in, but the main strategies of storytelling, interactive meetings and attention to fine detail will remain the same.

3.  The Transformational Power of eXcellence- Having knowledge only gets you so far.  What really sets successful business owners apart right now is the transformational power they acquire when integrating excellence into every element of their operations.  This means delivering excellence in everything your business touches, shoring up the foundation of your business so that excellence begins from the roots up and integrating excellence into your business to attract top-notch team members.

But do you want to know the most exciting thing I’ve discovered about the X-factors above?

Anyone can do it!

Remember, I’m telling you this as a LAWYER.  Having a Ph.D, MBA, JD, etc. isn’t the sole determining factor of your success anymore.  Instead, the qualities that were often brushed aside in school (like your ability to tell stories, be a visionary, create art or music, etc)  is what’s going to set you apart from those struggling to get by right now.

You just have to learn how to tap into it.

If you’re not sure how to do that, I invite you to attend my no-charge teleseminar on Wednesday, September 10 at 3:00 PM ET/12 PT entitled : Triple X Factors “The Critical Success Blueprint for Small Businesses Who Want To Move From Surviving To Thriving …Regardless Of Economic Conditions.”

In the meantime, start thinking about what these X-Factors would look like in your own business and how you can tweak your current mindset and marketing strategy to reflect these integral qualities in your day-to-day operations.  Just start with small shifts and prepare yourself for even bigger ones that we’ll address on the call!