You know how it is when you see someone every day and they look the same to you from one day to the next, but then you are apart for a week and suddenly the next time you see them, you notice they’ve grown or aged or lost weight or gained weight?

We are a lot like that with ourselves.  It’s hard to tell from one day or month or year to the next how much progress we are making.  And most of us are so focused on how far we have to go that we completely lose sight of how far we’ve come.

One of the best parts about blogging is being able to look back and become aware of the evolution.

Tonight, as I write this blog post on the eve of Thanksgiving, I’ve done just that.  I vaguely recalled being in a different emotional space last Thanksgiving, but couldn’t remember exactly what that space was.  Looking back to my blog post from last Thanksgiving, the emotions of where I was then have come flooding back in.

And along with them the awareness that a major shift has happened in my own consciousness regarding gratitude.  A shift that you can make here and now without waiting another year.

Last year, I didn’t know how to be grateful for EVERYthing.  My gratitude was conditional on the “good” things.  I even shared a gratitude exercise that helped me connect with all the good things happening in my life.

Here’s the big, exciting shift … you can be in extreme, deep gratitude even (especially) for the experiences you are having in your life that no one would call good.  And that’s something huge to realize as we move through a global shift that is impacting the economy, our weather patterns, and our old traditions.

With this shift is coming a lot of experiences that no one would call good - economic collapse of families, increase in bankruptcies, foreclosures, divorces, and a loss of jobs across the board.

What I’ve discovered is that it’s possible to find gratitude, even in these things.  And that’s where the real power is in your business and your life.

When you can find the gratitude even in the tragedy,  the heartache, and the pain, you have freedom.

So many of us claim freedom as one of our highest values and yet we are seeking it through on the exact things that will keep us in bondage.  More money, more time, more, more, more …

More is not where freedom comes from at all.  Freedom has nothing to do with the external circumstances of time, money or our work.

Freedom comes when you can be truly, deeply grateful for whatever is happening in your life right now.  Whatever is happening.  All. of. it.

To show you how serious I am about this.  Here are a few things I’m grateful for this year that I might not have been before I understand that gratitude for EVERYthing is the secret to true freedom.

The summer before last, my ex-husband got a DUI.  With our kids in the car.  You would think I’d be pissed, right?  Actually, I was grateful. GRATEFUL?!?  What?  You might be thinking (or even saying right now).

But, really I was.

For the 6 months before the DUI happened, I had been wondering fairly consistently “should I try to take full custody of the kids?” I really, really, really didn’t want to have to go there.  I knew it could mean a protracted court battle and I wasn’t willing to subject my kids to that. Plus, I wanted them to have a relationship with their dad.  And, frankly, I was working a lot and having them with him half the time worked for me from a business perspective. (It’s hard to admit that last part, but it is true).

I had been in Orlando teaching Personal Family Lawyers for a few days and flew to Virginia to speak to another group of lawyers about building a law business on a new model.  When I landed that morning, there was a message from my sister-in-law telling me everything was okay, but to call her as soon as possible.

That’s never a good sign.

When I called, she let me know that she had my kids.  My ex-husband (her brother) had been arrested for DUI with the kids in the car.

After I got over the initial shock, I felt an odd sense of calm.  My question had been answered.  I would have full custody of the kids and there would be no custody fight.  I didn’t know what else would happen.  But, I did know that.  And I was grateful.

As a result of my gratitude, I was able to respond to the situation in a way that resulted in the near complete healing of my relationship with my ex-husband.

Had I not been able to see the blessing in the situation, I would have been outraged, enraged, and in rage.  The ramifications of that would have been enormous for my family.  Perhaps my children would have been alienated from their dad.  Maybe he would have made it difficult for me to obtain custody of the kids.  Whatever it would have been, it would have been painful.

But, it wasn’t painful. Well, it’s been painful for my ex-husband.  He lost his license and his house and has been staying in a room above my garage while he gets back on his feet.  Even in that though, there’s freedom.

He’s finally found his passion and begun pursuing it.  He no longer feels as if he can’t be truthful or hide what he really wants.  We can have the hard conversations without too much drama.  And, of course, the kids absolutely love having him around.

So, that’s one thing.

Another thing like that is the circumstances that led to me closing my law firm.  My firm generated more than a million bucks in 2006 and 2007.  In 2008, I sold the firm to another lawyer so I could focus my attention on helping more people.

I sold it with the belief that he would take great care of my clients at the standards I had created and continue to build upon the foundation I had laid.

That’s not what happened though.

Within a few months, I began to see signs that he wasn’t handling things the way I did or would have.  I tried to ignore them and pretend it would get better.  It didn’t.  Within 6 months, he had stopped paying the bills.

It had been nearly a year since I’d seen new private clients, the firm had brought in nearly $700,000 for the year anyway, and I had to decide whether to come back in and take the reins at the firm again or close it down.

I decided to close it down and arrange for the Los Angeles area Personal Family Lawyers to service the ongoing needs of my clients.   An extremely painful, difficult decision to make.

That firm was my baby.  I had painstakingly designed the office.  Invested my heart and soul into it.  And it was still making great money.

But, I couldn’t trust that it would be run to the standards I set and so I had to let it go.  It cost me nearly three hundred thousand dollars to do it, not even counting the lost income I would have made if I would have kept the firm in the first place or kept it going.

What’s to be grateful for in that?

So much, it turns out.

As a result of my own experiences with building my law firm, selling it, and then closing it down, I learned a tremendous amount about the right way to set up a business and the wrong way, I got to see what it is that actually puts businesses out of business, and I gained confidence by seeing how hard it actually is to get to the point where a business cannot continue.

I also learned firsthand how important it is for entrepreneurs (especially those of us who identify as creative entrepreneurs) to understand legal, insurance, financial and tax issues.

It’s more than a little embarrassing that I had so many problems in these areas considering I’m a lawyer and I felt as if these were things I “should” have known about.

But I didn’t.  And my lack of knowledge cost me dearly.

And yet, I’m tremendously grateful for it because as a result I decided to learn everything I possibly could about legal, insurance, financial and tax and put all of that knowledge into a system for other entrepreneurs who, like me, are not good at those sorts of things.

This January, after nearly 9 months of intense effort, we will finally launch my LIFT Foundation System for business owners who are tired of wondering whether they have a solid foundation under their business, want to be able to count on their business surviving for the long haul no matter what happens, and are ready to cut through all the legal mumbo jumbo, hard pressure insurance and financial sales and want the straight truth on what is really needed to build a business the right way.

I never would have put this together had I not experienced a lawsuit myself without the proper insurance in place to cover it or made the mistakes I did when I sold my business.  Sure, I could beat myself up for those errors.   That would be normal, right?

But, I choose to be abnormal.  Instead, I’m grateful for these hard knocks.  Yes, they cost me a lot of money, but they taught me far more.  And now I get to teach it to you.

And to me, that’s what life’s all about folks.

This Thanksgiving season, do everything you can to find the blessing in each and everyone of the hardships you’ve experienced this year, this decade or this lifetime.

Write em’ down, thank God for them, and ask yourself how you can share the gift you’ve received from that challenging time in your life to make the world a better place.

Namaste.

This past week at Ali Brown’s Shine event, I had a big awareness during Anne McKevitt’s talk on branding.  Besides the fact that I found Anne to be totally off point for most of the women in the room, it suddenly hit me that I’ve let go of a big dream I’ve carried with me for a few years.    And I’m grieving it.

Anne was talking about building a worldwide brand.  Her message reminded me of what I once wanted to do.  And woke me up to the reality that I’ve let the dream slip away.

It’s funny how I didn’t realize it until that moment.  There was no point at which I said “that’s it, I can’t do it anymore.  I’m giving up on this dream.”  But, now looking back over the past year,  I notice this is the first real attention I’ve given it in several  months; it’s not something that will move itself forward on it’s own; and I want to spend more time with my kids now so I don’t see myself pushing it forward.  In fact, I’ve let go of a lot of things that require push.

I think I first started to let go of the dream when I was on the phone with one of my business/blogging/mommy role models, Penelope Trunk.  She must have been right in the middle of raising money for her company and unable to pay herself.   We had a brief conversation about two things I was working on: a reality show and writing the business plan to make this dream a reality.  She said I was crazy for wanting to raise money and develop a software program (a major component of the dream).  That I should do the reality show instead.

I wonder if she’d still say the same thing now that her company is at least partially funded.

Regardless, she was only reflecting back to me what I was already feeling.  I had spent two years on this big dream and I was tired. Exhausted really.  Feeling defeated.

I had just invested $15,000 and several months in a business plan that was not clearly capturing my vision and then I lost $10,000 to a couple of scam artists.  At the same time, the economic news was building to a frenzy and I realized I had an amazing business that was making a big difference for a lot of lawyers as it was and I needed to invest my energy in building the business I had rather than continuing to focus on the bigger vision.

I dreamed of making affordable access to a lifetime relationship with a lawyer™ readily available in every neighborhood of the US and Canada.  Think H&R Block or State Farm Insurance or Remax or TLC Laser Eye Care Centers.  But, for lawyers.

Every other profession - from accounting to insurance to medical to dental - has a centralized system the professional can plug into that is automated from soup to nuts so the professional can do what she does best and the managers can run everything from marketing to service fulfillment to membership management.

There is nothing like it for lawyers.  And, I was gonna be the one to build it.

The Personal Family Lawyer business I have built is a beautiful precursor.  Lawyers implementing my business model for attracting, engaging, servicing and retaining clients lawyers are transforming their practices.  They are moving beyond the failing, broken model and becoming trusted advisors to their clients. They are busier than ever, even in this shifting economy and making a real difference in their clients lives.

Just yesterday, I heard from a lawyer who joined our program to transition from a litigation practice that was turning him into someone he didn’t like into an estate planning lawyer who is making a positive impact in the world.  In his first month of seeing clients as a Personal Family Lawyer he has already engaged one client and has another 5 appointments on the books.  Unless you are a lawyer, you probably have no idea how amazing this is.

My systems work.  Sure, they’re not built on a centralized model like H&R Block, State Farm or Remax, and I’ve come to realize they may never be, but they are changing the world for the individual lawyers who are embracing a new way of being with their clients and grateful to have a proven business model for doing it.

I’ve gained new awareness about myself.  I’m an amazing coach, visionary, and communicator.  It turns out, I’m not so good at managing teams, hiring, negotiating, financials,  and all the other little detail things necessary to build a really big business.  I can do those things.  But, they drain my energy.  And they make me less good at what I’m really good at.   Plus, bottom line, they take time away from my kids and my writing and the self care that I need to be happy.

So, I’m grieving the dream.

At the same time, for perhaps the first time in my life as a business woman, I’m celebrating what I’ve built and discovering what it’s like to appreciate what I have without this intense, burning desire for more, more, more.

My business is built.  It brings in more than a million dollars a year and supports my family plus 6 of the most supportive, fantastic team members a girl could have.  I get to work from home, homeschool my kids and have started a secondary business coaching business owners who want what I’ve built with my honey.  We are making a huge impact in the lives of these lawyers and their clients as well as the business owners we coach.

I get to coach, write, and innovate.  It’s what I’ve dreamed about for so long and it’s all happening. My main job now is to continue to support the forward-thinking lawyers who have stepped out of their own comfort zones to adopt a new model of practice, keep innovating new campaigns to get the message out about what they are doing in the world and attract more lawyers who are ready for something better in their lives and their businesses and don’t want to have to reinvent the wheel to have it.

Really, what more could a girl ask for?

Sure, I’d love a ten (hundred) million dollar business.  And I’d love to be known as the woman who radically transformed the legal industry on a massive scale. And I believe I have the specialized knowledge to really do it right, but I simply will not do it at the expense of my family and my well-being.

My ego is pissed off that I’ve let go of the dream.  It wants to be seen as more than just a girl with a great business and a blog and a couple of kids.  But, that’s just further confirmation for me that letting go is the right thing for me to do.  I refuse to let some idea of what I should do an what I should be run my life anymore.

And even with all that, I’m still grieving the dream.

A few days ago, I shared with you some of the things that have happened in the last year since I sat in my chair at Ali Brown’s OSBW event and made the commitment to invest in her diamond level coaching and mastermind program.

At SHINE and afterwards so many women approached me to ask if it was worth it.  Am I glad I did it?

Since I’ve been teasing you for a few days with the answer, I’ll give you the short answer right away.  Yes, I am grateful to have made a $100k investment in Ali Brown’s diamond program.

That doesn’t mean investing $100k in a coaching program is right for you though.

If that’s what you’re wondering, let’s explore why I’m grateful I did it and how that might relate to you and your experience.

1.  I needed a major challenge.

I had hit 7-figures in my second business, written a book, appeared on TV and was ready for the next level.  I thought I knew what the next level was and that the diamond program would bring me closer to it.  It turns out the next level was totally different than I thought it would be.  And I’m so grateful to have discovered it.

2.   I was ready to take full responsibility for my results.

I hired my first coach ten years ago when I still worked at a law firm.  I was so resistant to it.  Thought I was too smart for coaching. Thank God I got over that!  Had I not, I’d probably still be at that law firm wondering why I never made partner and blaming everyone else for it.

Since then, I’ve had many coaches and become a coach myself.  What I’ve noticed is that those new to coaching (including myself back in the day) have a tendency to be stuck in a victim/blame mentality.  What that means is that when things don’t go well or you don’t appear to be making progress, you’ll be tempted to blame your coach.  It’s a natural thought pattern if you haven’t done some serious work around personal responsibility.  And it’s the exact thing that will keep you stuck exactly where you are.

About half way through the year this year, I began to ask myself if I’d received my money’s worth from the diamond program.  It was a great awareness point for me.  I noticed how my mind wanted to find all the ways the program wasn’t worth it.  Victim/blame mentality was on the field.  It was the perfect opportunity for me to practice personal responsibility.  I got to consciously say to myself “Alexis, it’s half way through the year.  What do you need to do to ensure you don’t f*%! this up and waste the $100k you invested in this program.”

You see, when you make the investment in a $100k program, the coaching is a very small part of it.  You can hire an amazing coach for much, much, much less than $100k.  You make the investment in a $100k program because 1) you need to kick yourself in the ass and shake things up and that’s what it’s going to take for that to happen for you; 2) you want to play with other high level business people who are also taking full responsibility for themselves; and 3) you will make sure it’s worth it for you, no matter what.

So, at the end of the day, what was it that made it worth it for me?

Well, besides everything I wrote about here there are a few other benefits I received from my investment:

3.  I’m a natural voyeur and I learn best from watching others (not to mention, I simply love to watch).

Some of my biggest learnings came from watching behind the scenes as Ali made a major shift in her business and her life (those lessons will have to be a whole nother blog post).  In addition to getting to watch Ali’s big shift:

I got to watch Lisa Sasevich go from $130,000 per year to more than $2,000,000 this year without making a single change to her website. (Made me realize how much time/effort most of us waste on stuff that simply doesn’t matter in the grand scheme).

I got to watch JJ Virgin build an entire brand from scratch.

I got to watch Kendall Summerhawk double her business and launch a brand new certification program.  Plus, seeing how her and hubby Richard work together has been sweet.

I got to watch Sheri McConnell focus, say no, let go and step into her power and become a knock-out, red hot mama along the way. (Interestingly, several of us got HOT thanks to JJ’s coaching - I’m down below 125 lbs for the first time in 10 years, Lisa S. is smokin’ and even Mike Reese is looking pretty svelte).

And I got to watch each of Karen Knowler, the PRTakeOff girls, Mike Reese, Ciara Daykin and Michele DeKinder-Smith make HUGE leaps in their businesses.

Over the next several months, I’ll share with you the specifics of what I learned from watching.

4.  I discovered I no longer have something to prove.  The ego has been mostly annihilated.

This is a huge discovery.  Huge, huge, huge, huge.

It hit home for me when I was listening to Barbara Corcoran speak at #Shine.  She was my absolute favorite part of the whole event bar none.  A new hero for me.

Barbara talked about that she was driven to create her $5 billion company by fear and insult.  Her drive came from a deep desire to show her 3rd grade teacher she wasn’t stupid and her ex-boyfriend that she could be successful without him.

As she spoke I realized how much of my drive and ambition came from a very similar desire.  I graduated first in my class from Georgetown because I wanted to prove to the boys from 7th grade that I was smart.  And that this year in diamond has been a lot about letting go of this need to prove something.

I walked into our first diamond meeting armed with a Powerpoint presentation showing off everything I was working on and all I was going to accomplish over the year.  At meeting 2, I sat on a stool at the front of the room and cried for my entire presentation time.  And by meeting 3, I realized I’m no longer competitive.  I don’t care if I make the most money or become the most famous.  I just want to be with my kids and love my life.

Had you told me this would have happened when I signed up for diamond last year, I would have wanted to punch you in the face.  I was so attached to the idea of what I wanted and how it had to look.  And what I had to prove.  But it did and I’m so grateful.

Sure, I’d love to build a $5 billion company like Barbara Corcoran.  But, not with the same drive and push Barbara has.  If that’s what is required, I’m okay with not doing it.

5.  I’m a juicy, sexy woman and I want to stay that way and bring it into my business.

Barbara talked about her husband a little bit from the stage and mentioned that they rarely have sex and she doesn’t feel sexy.  I get it.  I’ve been there.  When I’m immersed in ambition and drive, I don’t feel sexy or want to have sex either.  All of my juice goes into my business.

Anne McKevitt, Ali’s mentor, told us from the stage that her doctors told her last year that she needed a pace maker.  She felt so hard to me from the stage. So masculine.

I’ve been there and done that.  Push, push, push.  I don’t want to build my business that way anymore.  I want to relax, let go, be a woman.

If I become a famous, multi-millionaire …  great.  If not, that’ll be okay too.  But, what’s not okay is for me to feel hard inside and cold and tough. I want to be soft, yielding, sexy and yummy.

6.  I trust.

Today, I trust deeply that everything that is meant to happen will and I can relax into it, allowing instead of forcing it.

My job is to get crystal clear about what I want, set my intention for that, take the next right indicated step, trust that I finally know exactly what I need to know (I’ve spent 10 years accumulating huge, expensive knowledge) or that I will receive the knowledge I need when I need it and finally, trust, trust, trust that when I need to act, I will.

Big revelations for me.  All things I’d heard and read about in the past and knew on the intellectual level.  Today, I embody them in a way I have not before.  I’ve let go of a major, long-held dream.  Something I’ve held tight to for the past several years.  And I’m in mourning for it.  But, also trusting that if it’s meant to be, it will be. It’s in God’s hands and I can let go.

There’s no doubt about it.  The love a mother feels for her children is profound, but in this incredibly beautiful experience of motherhood, many moms also disconnect from their dreams.  With constant demands on our time, energy and attention, it is easy to see how some moms can get lost in the very role of being the mother.  Now, take a moment to acknowledge the power a mother holds when she has her own personal goals and takes active steps to follow them.  By having ambition and taking an active role in her destiny, she is showing her children how to follow their dreams!  Mothers are role models and children do as we do, not as we say.  Right?

The reality is that when everything in a mother’s life becomes about her children, her own needs, wants and desires get lost in the shuffle.  In addition, children can see this lack of self-care as an unconscious example to follow.  Ask yourself this question: Do you want your children to follow their dreams or live a life that consists of fulfilling their obligations?  The majority of moms want their children to be happy which means the answer to this question is that you want your children to spend their lives pursuing their dreams!

So, just as the flight attendants demonstrate on airplanes, we must remember we cannot truly encourage and support our children in their efforts unless we put our own oxygen masks on first!  This act of self-care is not selfish, it is necessary for own survival and happiness.  As our own interests may sometimes fall second or third in line to the duties that are required to raise our families, we cannot forget to take the time we need to focus on what makes us happy.  The truth is that we need to feel good about and show love to ourselves regularly so that we can show our children how to love, value and respect themselves.  We must remind ourselves that everything we do as moms reflects on our children and plays a large role on their future.

What You Can Do Now:

If you are ready to follow your dreams (or if you are feeling out of touch with your inner passions) here are some things you can do to get back on track and reconnect with yourself.

First, take a deep breath and release all of your feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.  You deserve to have a passion, purpose and personal goals. Everyone does!  Letting go of the idea that you can’t have your own interests because you are a mom is a self-limiting belief that will not serve you or your children well.  Leave these false beliefs behind and move forward with the understanding that by giving yourself your dreams back, you will be happier, more fulfilled and a better mom!

Second, start writing down a list of all of the dreams that you have had throughout your life, even things from childhood that you never thought could be achieved.  No dream is out of reach.  Some may take more creativity to achieve than others, so if you catch yourself saying that something is impossible remind yourself that there was a day when no one could fly!  Now, it’s your turn to spread your wings and soar!

Third, choose your top three dreams and write down 3 to 5 action steps you can take this week to achieve them.  Yes, this week!  Then, commit to and continue with those action steps until you have reached your goals.  Baby steps add up into massive growth very quickly!

Most importantly, enjoy every moment of this process and surround yourself with people who support your dreams.  You really can do whatever you set your mind to.  And when you do, your children will have proof that by taking decisive action dreams really can come true!

Bio: Britt Michaelian, M.A. is a mompreneur with multiple businesses and a new 12 week coaching program for moms who are ready to take the leap and start a lifestyle business.  To receive 12 Business Building Bonus Gifts and access to her FREE Business Building Basics for Moms Teleseries, go to http://CoachBritt.com