As you probably know, I recently finalized my divorce. Out of my four closest friends, two of them just finished their divorces; the third is just starting the process, and the fourth - seriously considering it. Is it contagious?

I remember when I got into my late 20s, there was a time period where it felt as if I was getting a wedding invitation every week! Well, the tide has turned and I’ve hit the age where many people I know are either getting divorced or considering divorce. I guess it only makes sense considering that the national divorce rate is about 50% and here in California it’s a whopping 60-75%!! That’s a huge number.

Three other friends that I am less close with have recently turned to me for advice about their relationships and possible divorce. From the outside, looking into these relationships, I would never have guessed that divorce was being discussed at home. Maybe it’s happening in your house (or business) too and you aren’t sure what to do - if so, I hope this message will be of help to you during what I know is a difficult and confusing time.

So, here are some tips to help you keep your personal and business relationships intact:

1. Take personal responsibility for everything that is happening in your relationship, but don’t blame yourself for not being able to make it work.
2. Do not blame your partner for the lack of passion, lack of connection, lack of communication or lack of whatever you perceive as lacking. Focus on how you can bring more of what you want into your life and into your relationship.
3. Use this time as an opportunity to identify where you can improve yourself by releasing old judgments you’ve held about yourself or old behaviors that have you stuck in patterns that lead to unhappiness. Even if it doesn’t save this relationship, it will prepare you to have the best divorce possible and for your new life afterwards.

If this message was just what you needed, I know how confusing things are for you right now - I’ve been there! And, I can promise you that as soon as you stop resisting what is happening and start taking some of the actions I described above, the answers about what to do will naturally come to you.

Next week, I’ll follow up with everything you must know and do if you’ve decided it’s just not going to work and divorce is the best possible option.

Dedicated to Your Family’s Well-Being,

Alexis

PS – One of the best books I read when I was trying desperately to save my marriage was Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships - David Schnarch. You can get your own copy right here: Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships It’s a must read for anyone in a committed relationship, not just marriage.