Ok, so there’s no contract yet.  But, all signs are  pointing    
to me getting a TV show of some kind.

Crazy, huh?!?

Well, not so crazy. The truth of the matter is that it’s what I’ve always wanted.

But, until last year, I wasn’t really willing to admit it to myself (or anyone else).  It was always something that existed in the back of mind, but I was too scared to really let myself feel that’s what I wanted because it was my deepest heart’s desire and if I admitted that and then didn’t get it, I’d be crushed.

Well, last year, I finally decided enough of that!  I’m going to start being really honest with myself and letting in the truth of what I really want in life. 

And now, I’m in talks with TWO networks about my own TV show. 

See, that’s what happens when you own up to what you really want even though it’s super scary! The Universe provides.  Read more about being afraid and doing it anyway on my personal blog.

In the meantime, if you haven’t named guardians for your kids yet because you just can’t decide who to name, make sure to read this week’s article.

With Love,

Legal agreements are so boring, aren’t they? And, if you are like most people, you are making a lot of deals in life without documenting those deals. I always give people the benefit of the doubt and trust, so I do it myself. And, I’m a lawyer!

That means, if I do it, you do it too. 

But, having an agreement isn’t about not trusting someone. It’s about knowing that you’re on the same page. You might think you both agreed to something when in reality you thought one thing and they thought something else.

When you have an agreement in place, that risk is minimized.

Below are some real life examples (including one from my own life) of how putting it in writing can actually increase the likelihood of success for whatever you are doing, whether it’s personal or business related. And I’ve got some easy tips for creating your own legal agreements.

I recently hired a live-in nanny/house manager. She’s great and she’s saving my sanity. She worked with me for about 6 weeks and everything was great.

Then, things started getting not so great. Not bad, but I noticed little things starting to slip through the cracks - meals not ready on time, cats food bowls not refilled, not waking up on time a couple of times. Things like that.  Little things, really. 

But, enough of these little things could add up to unhappiness and resentment.  So, I wrote up an agreement. 

It’s a simple agreement that spells out my expectations. (If you want to see it, post a comment on the blog with your email address and I’ll send it to you.) You are more than welcome to use it as a basis for your own agreement.

I emailed it to her and let her know I wanted her input on it as well.  It’s an agreement, meaning we both need to agree to what’s included. We sat down together, went over each of the points, and we each signed it.  Simple. And, it fleshed out some places we were not on the same page, which could have become a problem later.

Here are some other situations in which you want to have written agreements:

• Buying property with another person
• Hiring an employee or an independent contractor (in fact, if they are an independent contractor, an agreement is even more important because otherwise you are at risk of them being reclassified as an employee, which means you owe all sorts of back taxes)
• Getting married
• Having a baby
• Starting a business
• Buying a business
• Moving in together
• Subletting your house
• Contracting for services
• Hiring a handyman or contractor 

My baby started Kindergarten this week. Now,
I’ve got two kids in school full-time and at the same place, what a relief!

Not to mention all the amazing things that are starting to happen.  Right before I left for Burning Man, I got a call from producers at CNBC that they wanted me to appear on the show “On the Money” with Carmen Wong Ulrich.
 
I was so excited. The only problem was that I was going to be in Burning Man, so I had to turn it down. They said they were willing to wait for me.
 
I appeared last week and they’ve already asked me back for another show and invited me to NYC for a development meeting.  I don’t know exactly what that means, but whatever it means, I’m psyched!

Plus, I’m pitching a reality show and can’t believe how fast everything is moving with that.  It’s Hollywood though, so it may be another few years before anything really happens.

But, it’s all happenning!

With Love,

As of your 18th birthday, you became an adult in the eyes of the law.

Even though your kids may still act like teenagers (or you may feel like one), in the eyes of the government, turning 18 means you need to have legal documents in place in case of an accident. 

Every adult should have in place an Advance Health Care Directive and a Financial Durable Power of Attorney.  Estate planning is not just for rich people.  These legal documents are important for everyone who loves their family.

If you don’t have these legal documents in place and something scary happens, it will make life a whole lot more difficult for the people you love.

An Advance Health Care Directive (also known as a living will) does two things:  first, it names the person you want making health care decisions for you if you cannot make them for yourself and second, it lets that person know how you want them to be made.
 
This is important because if you are in the hospital and cannot communicate, you need someone to make decisions for you and you want them to make those decisions as you would want them made, without question.

If you don’t have this document in place, it could create a huge rift among your family as the people you love fight about what you would have wanted.

The important thing in this document is that the whoever you name is also given authority under the new (within the past three years) Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (aka HIPAA).
 
If your health care agent (the person named in your Advance Health Care Directive) is not designated as your agent under HIPAA, they will not be able to look at your medical records, which makes it mighty hard for them to make health care decisions for you.

By the way, if you have college age kids going off to college, you’ll want to get this in place for your kid.  Otherwise, when you call the school nurse to discuss your child’s illness, you may find no one can or will talk with you because they would violate HIPAA if they did.
  
We get frantic calls in our office at least once or twice each fall from parents looking for legal documents for their college-age kid for just this reason.

The second legal document you absolutely need to have in place as an adult is a Durable Power of Attorney. This document names someone to make financial and legal decisions for you if you can’t make them for yourself.

Beware of the one-page standard durable power of attorney you find on the internet where you just check off a list of applicable powers.  I’ve seen family members try to use those to access their loved ones assets and then not be able to because the form was too generic.

It’s important for your kids going off to college to have this in place too because if they are in an accident you are going to need to take over paying the bills and get access to bank accounts and make legal decisions.  But, you will have to go through a long and expensive court process if there’s not a signed Durable Power of Attorney in place.

It’s the same for you too. If you are in an accident, and you don’t have a Durable Power of Attorney in place,it will be difficult for your family to deal with things on your behalf.

So, regardless of the amount of money you have in the bank, get your Advance Health Care Directive (or living will) and your Durable Power of Attorney in place at the bare minimum.  Oh, and of course, if you have kids under 18 at home, get your comprehensive Kids Protection Plan in place too. 

None of this has to do with money. It has to do with making life as easy as possible for the people you love.

Jim Guzy’s a smart guy.  He was Intel’s longest running director and thanks to Intel holdings built up a sizable fortune. 

And, he had smart estate planning lawyers who established a Family Limited Partnership (FLP.) to hold his Intel stock (called Arbor) to save estate taxes at his death.  This is a common estate planning strategy used to do “tax magic” and make assets look smaller than there are for estate tax purposes using “valuation discounts”.

When done right, it’s an effective strategy and can save a family hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars in taxes.

When done wrong, a Family Limited Partnership can be a disaster.  In past years, Family Limited Partnerships have been overturned by the IRS when they are not operated and maintained properly. 

What happened to the Guzy family is far worse.  The FLP set up by Guzy has become the center of a huge family feud that started with Guzy suing his wife for investing in one of their son’s business ventures using FLP assets and has devolved into multiple cross lawsuits by 3 of the children against their parents and a family deeply divided.

Before setting up any kind of an estate or tax plan, it’s critical to understand the underlying family relationships that are involved and not let the tax tail wag the family dog.

Guzy’s plan required him to gift small amounts of the Arbor FLP to his kids (that’s how the tax magic is created) and they decided they wanted their share before he died.

While it may look like pure greed on the part of the kids, all is probably not as it seems.  From reading between the lines, it looks like one of the sons was forced to sue his parents for his share by a bankruptcy judge after he filed for bankruptcy.  (See Guzy v. Guzy and Guzy v. the Arbor Co.).

This is one of the perils of giving away assets to a child before they are ready.  And, why we never give assets outright and always use irrevocable trusts designed to prevent just this sort of thing from happening.

Even with that though, sometimes you just have to say no to fancy estate tax planning, putting the family dynamics ahead of the tax savings.

I recently had a client in my office and we were planning on establishing irrevocable trusts for the benefit of his Wife, but after talking through some of the issues (like the fact that it was irrevocable), he’s decided to wait until we can work through some deep-seated financial/emotional issues that can either destroy their marriage or bring them closer together and put them on the same team.  Sure, we could save him a bunch on estate taxes, but if it ruins his life while he’s living, I haven’t done my job.  It’s too bad the Guzy’s lawyers didn’t think about this before putting in place a fancy estate tax plan that has torn the Guzy family to pieces.

I’m in the desert having a great time with my kids and it’s hot as heck! 
But we are bondingand having loads of values-building experiences together.I’ll have lots more to tell you when I get back. In the meantime, I’m blogging as live as I can with the spotty internet on my personal blog and I’m filming so I can show you everything,
but it will take a bit to get that uploaded. Are You Sure You’ve Provided For Your Woman?I’m sure I’m going to make some people mad with this week’s article, but it’s important and I’m not going to avoid talking about it just because the extremists don’t want to acknowledge reality.Check it out and let me know what you think by leaving a comment on the Family Wealth Secrets blog.

And, hey, have a fantabulous week!

My grandfather died when he was 82, leaving behind his 71 year old
wife, my grandmother.They had been wealthy. My grandfather owned his own plumbing business in New York and when he retired they moved down to Miami where my mom was in college and their money would last a lot longer.My grandfather certainly figured he had enough banked to take care of  his and my grandmother’s financial needs throughout the rest of their lifetimes.He was wrong, though he’ll never know it because he died 15 years ago and it appeared there was plenty in the bank.

But, there wasn’t.

At my grandfather’s death, the social security he and my grandmother had been getting was cut in half.

The house that they lived in lost value (even during the boom housing market) due to a change in the demographics of the neighborhood.  My grandmother could have sold the house and cashed out sooner, but she waited too long.

And, of course, his life insurance had long since expired.

Today, my grandmother lives on a fixed income and these years (that should be her golden years) are fraught with worry and stress.

What would happen if you died at 50, 60, 70 or 80 and your wife lived another 20, 30 or 40 years?

Don’t be afraid to talk with a trusted advisor and your kids to make sure you’ve got it all taken care of for real and not just in your mind.  There’s nothing to be ashamed of, other than keeping things secret because you are too embarrassed to acknowledge that you might need some guidance.

Family Feuds can happen in the best of families.  When they do, they have the power to plunge you into a nightmare of bitterness and anger or they can be the door that opens to your greatest dreams.

The strategies I share here apply whether you are going through a divorce, a property dispute or any other legal drama between family members.

5 years ago, I was unhappily married and had  a vision of getting divorced and, at the same time, maintaining a family relationship with my ex-husband.  When I finally got the courage to tell my husband I wanted a divorce, it didn’t go well.

It got so bad at times that each of us threatened to call the police on each other more than once.  It was hard to imagine we’d ever be a family again.

I felt guilt and shame.  I had caused this to happen, and now, I was getting my comeuppance is what he told me and what I believed.  This was my punishment for leaving my marriage.  It was my fault.  Our kids would suffer for it, and I would just have to deal with it.

That hurt.  A lot.

Through it all, I held on to the vision of us as a family.  Sometimes, it was incredibly difficult to keep that vision in mind.  Sometimes, I wished he would just disappear.  I know he felt the same.

Despite all of that, I knew that there was nothing more important than somehow moving beyond all of it and becoming a family again in some way shape or form.

Boy, am I glad I held that vision.  Today, unbelievably, we are a family again.

We don’t live in the same house anymore, but we are on the same team.  Just the other night, he had a sleepover at my house with our son.  I feel love in my heart for him that surpasses what I felt in the later years of our marriage.  Our children are the beneficiaries.

It was a long, hard journey but one I am ever grateful for because through it, I learned powerful lessons that have helped me in every area of my life.

These lessons hold the keys to your joy.

1.  Stay Calm and Breathe.

I held my breath a lot when I was married.  Going through my divorce, I learned to breathe and remain centered.  If you haven’t tried yoga before, it can be a great way to learn how to do this in a non-emotionally stressful context even when your body is being extremely challenged.  You can take that experience into the emotional challenges that arise during any family fight.

When things escalate, if you can stay calm and breathe, you can remain in control of the situation.

2.  Choose Your Reaction.

In every moment, you have a choice.  Sometimes, it might not feel that way.  Especially when you are being screamed at or harassed.  You may feel as if you don’t have control, you are powerless, a victim.  You are falling apart.

In these moments, remember that you are not a victim.  You are always in control of your own reaction in every moment.  While you cannot control the person you are in relationship with, you can control yourself and the way you respond.

When you make the choice to respond from love, even when what is coming at you feels like the anti-thesis of love, you are standing in your own power.  This is where you will find your freedom.

Your practice in these moments when you feel victimized our out of control is to stay calm, breathe and respond from love.

If you cannot respond from love, take a time out.  Walk away.  Disengage and come back to the situation when you are centered.

3.  Remember Who You Are.

When it is most difficult to respond from love, it’s generally because you have forgotten the truth of your own nature.  You have forgotten that you are love.  You are freedom.  You are generosity.  No one can take that away from you.

The pain you are feeling is related to the disconnection from your own truth.  The good news is that if you’ve gotten away from the truth of who you are, it’s never too late to return to it.  When you do, a lightness will replace the pain, darkness and heaviness that is keeping you embroiled in your conflict.

I’m fortunate in that I have a very dear friend who reminds me about the truth of who I am when I forget it.  She reminds me that I am love, I am generosity and I am freedom.

4.  Block Out People Who Bring You Down.

If you are like most people, your friends don’t help you stay in contact with your highest self.  Instead, they remind you about how you’ve been wronged, victimized and taken advantage of.  When you hear those words, it’s a red flag that you need to thank the person you are talking with and walk away.  Then, come back and read this.

You are love.  You are freedom.  You are generosity.  Slowly, breathe that in and let it saturate your lungs, make its way into your heart and radiate through your body out to your fingers and toes.  As you breathe out, repeat the following 4 simple phrases until you once again remember the truth of who you are and then let me know what happens for you when you do.

“I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You”

In less than two weeks, we’ll be hopping in our rented RV and motoring up the 395 for a week in the desert with 48,000+ other nuts who are ready for massive self-expression.

It’s called Burning Man, and I’ve been wanting to go for years, but my kids weren’t old enough.  They are now, and it’s our big summer vacation.

Read my personal blog If you are wondering how bringing my kids to Burning Man is all about passing on my family values.

Are You in the Midst of a Family Feud?

Family feuds can be painful.  Or, they can be amazing opportunities for growth.  My article below will help you make your next (or current) family feud the pathway to your freedom.

I’m back from an awesome vacation in Las Vegas with my love.  We had such a great time despite the fact that we have got to be the two worst gamblers in history.

We lost $125 in literally 10 minutes at the craps tables.  That was enough for us.  We didn’t gamble the rest of the weekend.

We did, however, go see Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart on Saturday night.  2nd row, baby.  It was fantastic.

I am a huge Bryan Adams fan, and Dave loves Rod, so it was perfect.  I literally cried when Bryan sang “Everything I Do.”  If you want to see a quick 1 minute clip of him up close and personal, click here to check it out.

I also managed to record Rod’s entire “Do You Think I’m Sexy” - check that out here.

We stayed at the gorgeous Wynn hotel, lounged by the pool and just enjoyed ourselves. I hope you get some time to do that this summer too!

Need to Save Some Money?  Here Are a Few Every Day Ways.

Personally, I’m horrible at using coupons and seeking out little ways to save money.  My thinking about it is that I’d rather spend my time looking for ways to create big pay days instead of finding ways to save pennies.  But I know many of you like it, so if you’re going to spend your time doing it anyway, you might as well make it fun!

This week’s article gives you some ideas on how to do that.

Have a magnificent week!