I’m in the desert having a great time with my kids and it’s hot as heck! 
But we are bondingand having loads of values-building experiences together.I’ll have lots more to tell you when I get back. In the meantime, I’m blogging as live as I can with the spotty internet on my personal blog and I’m filming so I can show you everything,
but it will take a bit to get that uploaded. Are You Sure You’ve Provided For Your Woman?I’m sure I’m going to make some people mad with this week’s article, but it’s important and I’m not going to avoid talking about it just because the extremists don’t want to acknowledge reality.Check it out and let me know what you think by leaving a comment on the Family Wealth Secrets blog.

And, hey, have a fantabulous week!

My grandfather died when he was 82, leaving behind his 71 year old
wife, my grandmother.They had been wealthy. My grandfather owned his own plumbing business in New York and when he retired they moved down to Miami where my mom was in college and their money would last a lot longer.My grandfather certainly figured he had enough banked to take care of  his and my grandmother’s financial needs throughout the rest of their lifetimes.He was wrong, though he’ll never know it because he died 15 years ago and it appeared there was plenty in the bank.

But, there wasn’t.

At my grandfather’s death, the social security he and my grandmother had been getting was cut in half.

The house that they lived in lost value (even during the boom housing market) due to a change in the demographics of the neighborhood.  My grandmother could have sold the house and cashed out sooner, but she waited too long.

And, of course, his life insurance had long since expired.

Today, my grandmother lives on a fixed income and these years (that should be her golden years) are fraught with worry and stress.

What would happen if you died at 50, 60, 70 or 80 and your wife lived another 20, 30 or 40 years?

Don’t be afraid to talk with a trusted advisor and your kids to make sure you’ve got it all taken care of for real and not just in your mind.  There’s nothing to be ashamed of, other than keeping things secret because you are too embarrassed to acknowledge that you might need some guidance.

Family Feuds can happen in the best of families.  When they do, they have the power to plunge you into a nightmare of bitterness and anger or they can be the door that opens to your greatest dreams.

The strategies I share here apply whether you are going through a divorce, a property dispute or any other legal drama between family members.

5 years ago, I was unhappily married and had  a vision of getting divorced and, at the same time, maintaining a family relationship with my ex-husband.  When I finally got the courage to tell my husband I wanted a divorce, it didn’t go well.

It got so bad at times that each of us threatened to call the police on each other more than once.  It was hard to imagine we’d ever be a family again.

I felt guilt and shame.  I had caused this to happen, and now, I was getting my comeuppance is what he told me and what I believed.  This was my punishment for leaving my marriage.  It was my fault.  Our kids would suffer for it, and I would just have to deal with it.

That hurt.  A lot.

Through it all, I held on to the vision of us as a family.  Sometimes, it was incredibly difficult to keep that vision in mind.  Sometimes, I wished he would just disappear.  I know he felt the same.

Despite all of that, I knew that there was nothing more important than somehow moving beyond all of it and becoming a family again in some way shape or form.

Boy, am I glad I held that vision.  Today, unbelievably, we are a family again.

We don’t live in the same house anymore, but we are on the same team.  Just the other night, he had a sleepover at my house with our son.  I feel love in my heart for him that surpasses what I felt in the later years of our marriage.  Our children are the beneficiaries.

It was a long, hard journey but one I am ever grateful for because through it, I learned powerful lessons that have helped me in every area of my life.

These lessons hold the keys to your joy.

1.  Stay Calm and Breathe.

I held my breath a lot when I was married.  Going through my divorce, I learned to breathe and remain centered.  If you haven’t tried yoga before, it can be a great way to learn how to do this in a non-emotionally stressful context even when your body is being extremely challenged.  You can take that experience into the emotional challenges that arise during any family fight.

When things escalate, if you can stay calm and breathe, you can remain in control of the situation.

2.  Choose Your Reaction.

In every moment, you have a choice.  Sometimes, it might not feel that way.  Especially when you are being screamed at or harassed.  You may feel as if you don’t have control, you are powerless, a victim.  You are falling apart.

In these moments, remember that you are not a victim.  You are always in control of your own reaction in every moment.  While you cannot control the person you are in relationship with, you can control yourself and the way you respond.

When you make the choice to respond from love, even when what is coming at you feels like the anti-thesis of love, you are standing in your own power.  This is where you will find your freedom.

Your practice in these moments when you feel victimized our out of control is to stay calm, breathe and respond from love.

If you cannot respond from love, take a time out.  Walk away.  Disengage and come back to the situation when you are centered.

3.  Remember Who You Are.

When it is most difficult to respond from love, it’s generally because you have forgotten the truth of your own nature.  You have forgotten that you are love.  You are freedom.  You are generosity.  No one can take that away from you.

The pain you are feeling is related to the disconnection from your own truth.  The good news is that if you’ve gotten away from the truth of who you are, it’s never too late to return to it.  When you do, a lightness will replace the pain, darkness and heaviness that is keeping you embroiled in your conflict.

I’m fortunate in that I have a very dear friend who reminds me about the truth of who I am when I forget it.  She reminds me that I am love, I am generosity and I am freedom.

4.  Block Out People Who Bring You Down.

If you are like most people, your friends don’t help you stay in contact with your highest self.  Instead, they remind you about how you’ve been wronged, victimized and taken advantage of.  When you hear those words, it’s a red flag that you need to thank the person you are talking with and walk away.  Then, come back and read this.

You are love.  You are freedom.  You are generosity.  Slowly, breathe that in and let it saturate your lungs, make its way into your heart and radiate through your body out to your fingers and toes.  As you breathe out, repeat the following 4 simple phrases until you once again remember the truth of who you are and then let me know what happens for you when you do.

“I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You”

In less than two weeks, we’ll be hopping in our rented RV and motoring up the 395 for a week in the desert with 48,000+ other nuts who are ready for massive self-expression.

It’s called Burning Man, and I’ve been wanting to go for years, but my kids weren’t old enough.  They are now, and it’s our big summer vacation.

Read my personal blog If you are wondering how bringing my kids to Burning Man is all about passing on my family values.

Are You in the Midst of a Family Feud?

Family feuds can be painful.  Or, they can be amazing opportunities for growth.  My article below will help you make your next (or current) family feud the pathway to your freedom.

I’m back from an awesome vacation in Las Vegas with my love.  We had such a great time despite the fact that we have got to be the two worst gamblers in history.

We lost $125 in literally 10 minutes at the craps tables.  That was enough for us.  We didn’t gamble the rest of the weekend.

We did, however, go see Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart on Saturday night.  2nd row, baby.  It was fantastic.

I am a huge Bryan Adams fan, and Dave loves Rod, so it was perfect.  I literally cried when Bryan sang “Everything I Do.”  If you want to see a quick 1 minute clip of him up close and personal, click here to check it out.

I also managed to record Rod’s entire “Do You Think I’m Sexy” - check that out here.

We stayed at the gorgeous Wynn hotel, lounged by the pool and just enjoyed ourselves. I hope you get some time to do that this summer too!

Need to Save Some Money?  Here Are a Few Every Day Ways.

Personally, I’m horrible at using coupons and seeking out little ways to save money.  My thinking about it is that I’d rather spend my time looking for ways to create big pay days instead of finding ways to save pennies.  But I know many of you like it, so if you’re going to spend your time doing it anyway, you might as well make it fun!

This week’s article gives you some ideas on how to do that.

Have a magnificent week!

Personally, I’m not a big fan of spending a lot of time trying to save money.  I prefer to spend my time brainstorming and creating big pay days instead of shopping around for a deal.  Sure, it means I spend more than I would if I used coupons and looked for the best deal, but I value my time far more than money.

Having said all that, if you are going to clip coupons and seek out the best deals, you may as well make it fun and as easy as possible.  So, with a little help from my friends on Twitter, I’ve put together a few tips for you.

1.  No more clipping coupons!

One of the reasons I stopped clipping coupons is because I’d spend all day Sunday going through the coupons and clipping them only to forget them when I went shopping.  Well, if you go to http://www.cellfire.com/ and sign up, that’s no longer an issue as long as you have a cell phone with you when you shop.  Cellfire puts coupons right into your phone!  Now, that’s cool!

2. Find the Cheapest Gas Without Driving Around Looking!

Before you go get gas, check http://www.gasbuddy.com to find the lowest station prices in your area and, then, compare it to Costco.  If you are going to go to Costco, consider the executive membership, which gives you 2% cash back on purchases, but that doesn’t include gas and the American Express card for another 1% back, which does apply to gas.

3.  Make it a game.

Play the Grocery Game and the Drugstore Game.  These games allow you to make the most of your coupon clipping and, while they can take a lot of time to play, it can be fun, and you can get a lot of stuff for free.  Check out http://www.thegrocerygame.com, which is a paid service and http://www.ChiefFamilyOfficer.com for all the rules of the free Drugstore Game.

And, hey, if you end up making a mint with your savings, let me know, maybe I’ll get in the game too.

Randy Pausch died on July 25, 2008.  You know Randy because, after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and being given a diagnosis of 3-6 months to live, he gave his “Last Lecture” to a packed classroom at Carnegie Mellon where he was a professor.

His Last Lecture went on to be translated into 7 languages, made into a book, over 10,000,000 people watched the video, the NY Times created a contest around it, and it even garnered him an appearance on Oprah.

Randy never intended so many people to receive this last lecture.  As he says, he wrote it for only three people, his sons.

What was it we loved so much about Randy Pausch’s brave attempt to cram a lifetime of lessons for his children into the limited time he knew he had left?

It has some connection to the recent global study conducted by HSBC Insurance, which indicated that 90% of people surveyed globally want to leave behind something far more valuable than their money.  They want to leave behind their perspective on life.

Interesting note:  In the US, the number of people wanting to primarily leave behind the almighty dollar was a little higher with 26 percent of pre-retirement folks and 39 percent of retirees wanting to focus on the money they’ll leave behind.

The vast majority of people said what they want to leave behind is what Randy Pausch so brilliantly left for his children.  It’s far more valuable than money.  But, unlike money, it can be difficult to capture and pass on.  And most of us will fail miserably because we won’t be given 3-6 months to live as Randy was, and so day by day, we’ll live our lives never thinking about the end.  And, then, it will be too late.

My dad certainly would have said that he wanted his heirs to inherit his perspective on life and, yet, what did he do to ensure that would happen?  Nothing.  He didn’t leave letters, video recordings, audio recordings or anything that would remind us of what he would do, think or say in any given situation.

Sure, we have our memories, but those become twisted over time by our own perceptions (or misperceptions) as they may be.  As a result, our children and their children will never have any real idea about who he was and what’s important to him.

All of that of course is water under the bridge.  Nothing can be done about it now.  But it’s not too late for you.

If you are part of the vast majority of people who say you want to leave behind something much greater than your money, what are you doing about it?  And when are you starting?

Your Personal Family Lawyer has a simple process he or she will use with you called a Priceless Conversation that in just 30 or so minutes will capture, record and document your own Last Lecture.  And over your lifetime, each year you can have a new Priceless Conversation and create a true Legacy Library for the people you love.