After sharing about my recent trip to Maui, I received the following email from one of my subscribers:

“Alexis, I am on your mailing list. Thanks for all the information I love this kind of thing. However, I have a twinge every time you tell me about your next vacation. There are many people who may or may not get this that just lost their job, were laid off, hours cut back, losing their homes, etc. and your vacation…??!! I think I would just say you are going to be at a mastermind meeting. I am super sensitive to this as I have clients who are really in dire straits and this economy has hurt deep…and I would hate for them to stop reading when they are probably not going to get a vacation and may lose their car or their house.”

Before I go on, let me ask you – can you relate? How do you feel when I talk about the abundance I’m experiencing in my life? Do you get a twinge or maybe something even stronger? Do you wish I would stop sharing about these things or are you drawn to read more and more about it?

Whatever you feel, pay attention. This charge (whether positive or negative) is an indication of what you really want more of in your own life. I spoke in depth about this on my last Play a Bigger Game Call and how to use this charge to really create life on your terms.

Back to the email I received from my subscriber. I don’t believe the gal who wrote this email had a negative intent. She clearly had my best interests at heart and those of her clients. She’s a caring person.

What she doesn’t realize though is how this kind of a message hurts her own wealth. And it’s seriously turning into a nationwide epidemic.

In fact, because of this kind of sentiment being expressed, wealthy people are actually experiencing wealth shame and hiding their wealth!

Chances are that like my subscriber, you are playing into this dynamic. You are either hiding your wealth and feeling ashamed of it or you are perpetuating the idea that wealthy people should be playing smaller and hiding the details about their vacations, their purchases, their lifestyles.

Which category do you fall in?

I’ll admit it. For a long time, I was one of those people who would read about other people’s successes and experience a negative charge. I’d feel angry, or put off, or annoyed. In my mind, I would create this whole scenario about how there was something wrong with them for flaunting their wealth.

This came up a lot for me before I hired my current mentor, Ali Brown. Ali frequently talks about her lifestyle. And when I first began to read this, I was not having the kind of lifestyle I wanted at all!

I was stuck in an unhappy marriage. I was working 6-7 days a week. I was stressed out. And hearing about Ali’s life was just annoying.

As I began to do my own internal work, I discovered this annoyance was holding me back from manifesting everything I really wanted in my life. This negative charge I experienced was actually a signal to me about what I really wanted in my own life and that by allowing the negative knee-jerk reaction, I was blocking my own abundance.

Once I was able to recognize and acknowledge this, I began to notice when I felt annoyed and I asked myself … are you really annoyed or could it possibly be envy you are feeling? Is this really something you want in your life?

When the answer was yes, I would celebrate. I would consciously say “thank you Universe for showing me what’s possible in my life.”

Today, I’m living a life very similar to Ali’s. It never would have happened if I had kept pushing it away.

So for now on, when someone is talking about an amazing vacation or home or car or work schedule or anything else that you feel annoyed, angry, or in any way negative about when you see it, look beneath that feeling. Ask yourself if it’s possible that you would also like that very thing yourself or for someone you know. Really dig down. And if so, make a mental note of thanks and blessing for showing you what’s possible.

If it brings up feelings of judgment that they shouldn’t be flaunting their wealth, just passively notice those feelings that come up and realize it’s very likely an indication of what you what—or what you want OTHERS to experience in life (this can apply to people beyond yourself).

And if you can move through those feelings and hang with this process of becoming aware, you’ll find your life at the most amazing place. You’ll be manifesting (which we’ll discuss next week) so much prosperity in your own life that you can use it to help the people in your life who are struggling to get by—in addition to rewarding yourself.

But that will never happen if you don’t move through the initial charge to get there. Realize your mind is only telling you there’s something wrong with taking a vacation or getting a new car, or buying a house because it’s protecting you from the disappointment of wanting something you think you can’t have.

Next week I am going to teach you exactly how to focus this charge to get what you want in life, physical or not (which could mean a new car, a baby, a relationship or the ability to be a stay-at-home mom), but until next time I want to challenge you to just be more aware of your feelings. Accept them for what they are and bring them back next week so I can show you how to use these negative feelings in a positive way to create life on your own terms!

The idea of “creating life on your terms” seems almost impossible as the news media bombards us DAILY with stories of layoffs, foreclosures and record losses in the stock market.

They tell you that you CAN’T have life on your terms because consumers aren’t buying, banks aren’t lending and the opportunity to be a bootstrapping-success just isn’t available anymore.

But let me be the first to tell you that creating life on your terms is NOT something that is dictated by the media or any other naysayer in your circle of influence.

How do I know that?

Well, besides the fact that my own company is growing by leaps and bounds while I spend time raising my kids, just last week, smack-dab in the middle of a recession, 3 of my students in the Dave and Alexis coaching program experienced tremendous success during each of their first product launches.

We are are living life on our terms in spite of the economy. And, YOU CAN DO THIS TOO.

We aren’t special or extraordinarily gifted to succeed. We’ve simply learned how to do what every other successful entrepreneur has done in rough times.

1. Take a serious inventory of your life RIGHT NOW- The first key to creating life on your terms is to change your thinking. You MUST break out of the mentality of poverty and lack. You MUST stop thinking about what you don’t have and realize that at this moment all of your needs are met. If you woke up this morning and had hot water and something to eat, you are among the top 5% of richest people in the world.

Now build from there. You have everything you need-AT THIS MOMENT. There is no reason to panic and there is no need for anxiety. These emotions will simply hold you back and make things worse. And you must become aware that you’ll always have exactly what you need-whether you are a spiritual person or not-believe that whatever force that allowed you to be born into the top 5% of the richest people on earth will continue to provide for you as it always has.

2. Take a 2 week break from the news or any negativity in your life- If you are one of those people who watch the nightly news everynight before bed, scour the newspaper every morning and get news updates in your inbox, stop. Cut it off. It’s not helping you.

The media is paid to create alarm, fear and panic. Feeding that into your mind right before you drift of to sleep is the worst possible thing you could be doing for yourself.

The truth of the matter is that some of the most successful and savvy business people have secured financial freedom during times of great distress, including Bill Gates, who launched one of the most successful companies in America during the stagnation of the 70’s. Go back and read the POSITIVE news story I linked to just now. Meditate on the people that DID succeed during depressions and recessions instead of those that failed. Clear your mind of the garbage for at least two weeks before you move on to the third step.

3. “Disaster Proof” your life and business-The fact of the matter is that s*&! happens in life and business and and we can’t control everything that comes our way– but we can avoid a significant amount of stress, financial pressure and trouble by setting our business and personal assets up the right way BEFORE curveballs come down the pike. And they will.

This is the most important factor if you’re really serious about creating life on your own terms. When your business is set up properly, a lawsuit, audit or divorce is not going to dictate the way you live the rest of your life.

If you don’t have things set up the right way, it is easy to get derailed though. Have you ever seen someone so embroiled in a lawsuit, audit, or divorce that their business is on the brink of failure?

You need to have things like life insurance in place so if something were to happen to your spouse, you won’t be forced to take a job you hate just to put food on the table. If you’re in a partnership, you need to sit down with a Personal Family Lawyer and make sure that you are shielded from the personal activities of his or her life (do you want make business decisions with your partner and his bitter ex-wife should they split up someday?).

While you can’t control what happens in life, you can make sure that the impact on you and your family when it does happen is as minimal as possible and you can sail through every rough patch with confidence and grace.

I just want to point out that the first two steps to creating life on your terms are totally FREE and there’s no reason at all for you not to take them now. And if you think you can’t afford the third step of meeting with a lawyer who can help you navigate the roadmap of life, think again. Today, there are Personal Family Lawyers throughout the United States who make a lifetime relationship with a personal lawyer affordable and accessible.

Now that you’ve taken these steps and laid the foundation for creating life on your terms, be sure to come back next week when I’ll share three more steps for seeing what you want in your life become reality.

You might find this hard to believe, but I grew up without values.  Well, without conscious values.

In fact, up until the last several years, the word “values” was completely amorphous to me and when asked what my values were, I couldn’t answer honestly because I really didn’t know.

I don’t recall my parents ever talking with me about their values and as I’ve looked around me, I’m able to clearly see that most people are passing on their values blindly and as a result our children are learning the wrong messages.

Sure, I’ve inherited values. But those values came from places like People Magazine and Danielle Steele novels, not necessarily a recipe for everlasting success.

If I allowed myself to be led by these values, I’d spend my life searching for the next great romance to sweep me off my feet and focused on what everyone else thinks of me instead of on my own internal compass.

And trust me, this is a constant struggle.

My mind constantly tells me it’d be easier to go find someone new than to work through the hard parts in my relationship and that if I just looked this way or that way that all my dreams would finally come true.

Fortunately though, over the past several years I’ve spent a lot of time and effort on a path of self-discovery to find out what my values really are, separate from my parents, separate from the media, separate from anyone else’s and to begin to become consciously aware of how I make decisions based on my values and how those decisions affect every area of my life, most notably my wealth.

Most of us are making critical decisions about our businesses, about our families, about the way we parent our kids based on inherited values passed on without much thought.

As a result, we find ourselves in jobs we don’t like, businesses that are overwhelming, with friends who judge us and everyone else around them, blaming ourselves, complaining all the time, wondering why we aren’t happy and nearly paralyzed with an inability to make decisions about what to do next for fear we might make the wrong choice.

It doesn’t have to be this way though.

When you tap into your core values, decision-making becomes simple, clarity of heart and mind becomes certain, and your wealth will grow exponentially.

So, how do you do this?

1.    Become Aware:  The first step is to make the conscious decision to become aware of the values that are really guiding you.  Just by reading this, you have already begun. Set a timer for 5 minutes and write down the answer to this question: “What are the highest values by which I want my life to be guided?”

As I did this process, I was aware at how much I judged my values and didn’t want to acknowledge some of them.  For example, it’s hard to argue with values such as integrity, generosity and compassion.  But, what about values such as beauty and financial success.  These are clearly values of mine and I had to be honest about that with myself without judgment.

2.   Make Conscious Choices Based on Your Values:  For now on, in each moment before making a decision, stop to ask yourself, “what’s guiding me now?”  Before making your next decision (whether it’s about what to eat for breakfast, whether to say yes to your kids next question, how to use your time or anything else), take 30 seconds to consider how what you decide will be a living example of your values.

Then, take another 30 seconds to choose to embody the values you want more of in your life.  So for example, one of my highest values is freedom.  I need to remain aware of that before I make choices that restrict my freedom, inadvertently.  For example, had I decided to launch another product, service or program right before my trip, that would have infringed on the freedom I am experiencing right now.  I had to make a conscious choice not to create something new even though my unconscious thought processes say to create more, do more … always.

3.   Notice When You Compromise Your Values and Forgive Yourself:  Invariably, as you become consciously aware of your values, you will notice where you are compromising your core values for a surface comfort or out of habitual self-sabotage.  It’s okay.  Don’t beat yourself up for it, blame yourself (or anyone else) and go into a negative pattern of defeating self talk.  Just recognize it and be grateful that you are becoming aware enough to notice.  That’s the first step towards transformation.  And make a commitment to yourself to be more aligned with your values next time.

So, how will this increase your wealth?  Tremendously.  Wealth is attracted to those who are in alignment.  Alignment comes from knowing yourself and knowing your values and living your life in accordance with those values.  When you do, you will find yourself magnetically attracting your ideal mate, your ideal clients, your ideal job, your ideal vacations, your ideal life.

As I always say, “the first step to getting what you want is knowing what you want.” Becoming aware of your core values and living in alignment with them is the step before the first step. Mahalo.

One of the biggest areas I see most people hurt their wealth again and again is by settling in one or more areas and without knowing your situation, I can almost GUARANTEE that you are settling for less than you deserve somewhere in life.

I’ll admit, it’s been one of my biggest challenges, personally.

What I’ve discovered though is that not settling is one of the greatest secrets to experiencing real wealth in your life.

Like everything though, it requires awareness and practice.  Today’s Wealth Secret will get you started on stopping settling for less than you deserve.

The first place for you to start is to honestly look at WHERE you are settling for less.

The likely places for you to start looking are with your relationships, business or living space.

Take an honest, good hard look.

Are you burning yourself out at home with mounting chores and housework that you hate to do, but you do them because you feel obligated or don’t have any other solutions?

Or, do you have help at home, but still feel you are often not getting your needs met?

What about your business?  Does every person on your team feel like they are the best fit? Or, are you scrambling to find clients and then taking whatever walks in the door because you need to pay the bills?

While you are at it, look at your relationships.  Are you settling for a relationship that isn’t all you really want it to be just because it’s “comfortable”?  (I can certainly relate to this!  I was 28 and had decided I could give up sex forever, no problem, just to stay married – hey ladies, if you can go without sex forever, that’s a BAD sign!)

Are you allowing negative energy to permeate your life because you are scared of change or don’t think you deserve better?

Don’t beat yourself up if you answered yes to any of these questions.  It’s totally normal.  In fact, I’d be super surprised if you haven’t now identified some places that you are settling for less in your life.

But, just because it’s normal, doesn’t mean you have to accept it!  Who wants to be normal anyway?

I want to see you in the top 5% of the wealthiest people in the US.  By definition, that’s abnormal!

So now what?

Now that you are aware, write down the areas where you have been settling and what exactly and specifically it would look like if you were NOT  settling.

For example, you might write:

“I’ve been settling with my friendships. If I wasn’t settling, my friends would encourage me to keep reaching for my dreams in life without tearing me down every step of the way.”

Or maybe you’d write:

“I’ve been settling with my business. I have dreams of building a million dollar business, but the team or systems I have in place are not designed to take me to that level”

Great!  Do this as many times as are necessary.

What this process will do for you is give you clarity and focus about what you DO want.  That’s the first step to receiving what you want in your life and no longer settling.

Now, your job is to begin to let go of what you’ve been settling  for in favor of what you want and deserve in your life and your business.

This, of course, is the difficult part.  All sorts of fear will come up that makes you believe that you can’t really get what you want and it’s better to settle for something than end upwith nothing.

This thought/fear is blocking the life/business you deserve.  And, it’s totally normal!  But, remember, you aren’t going to be normal anymore.  You are reaching for something far beyond normal.

Now that you are aware of it, you can breakthrough it.  I’d love to hear how it goes for you!