We’ve become so conditioned by reality TV that these days it’s difficult to recognize when we are getting sucked in by drama.  And yet the insidious nature of drama can very easily take us off our life course and stick us in a pattern of reactivity that doesn’t serve us or anyone else.

The challenge is that our own reactions that cause the drama in the first place are so unconscious and habitual that we can’t see what’s happening even when it’s pointed out to us.

Here’s the good news.  If you can learn to become aware of the areas where you’ve instigated drama (especially where you believe someone else was the instigator) or simply reacted to drama happening around you—and make a conscious choice not to do that anymore—you will increase your financial, emotional and spiritual wealth in ways you’ve never thought possible.

A recent example from my own life.

Last week, a friend’s son, Reese, was playing at my neighbor’s house and one of the girls who live there excluded him.  It’s possible it wasn’t one of the girls at all, but one of their friends.  Nevertheless, someone excluded him.

He was really upset and on the verge of tears when he came to let me know what had happened.

My first inclination (reaction) was to sympathize (commiserate) with Reese and march across the street and gave that little girl a talkin’ to.   (In fact, that’s exactly what his mom did a little bit later – more about that in a minute).

Instead, I made a conscious decision to stop and think about what I really wanted to accomplish.  And, I can assure you, it was quite difficult not to just react.  But, I took a minute, thought and recognized that if I made a big deal about it and acted if there was something wrong, Reese would think there was something wrong, and my guess is, he’d blame himself.

Instead, I thought about times this Reese “excluded” Kaia.  He had a friend around that he wanted to play with and he didn’t want to play with her.  I asked him to think about those times and what he was thinking and feeling when that was happening.

He thought about it and said that it just meant he wanted to play with his friend without Kaia.  I asked if that meant he didn’t like Kaia or never want to be around her again—and he said “of course not, I just want to play alone with my other friend sometimes.”   I went on to ask him, “So what do you think Kaia should do when you don’t feel like playing with her?” to which he responded, “Well she should just go play something else”.

Instantly, the light bulb went on and he realized that was exactly what he should do in this situation.  Drama defused.

That is until this Reese’s mom came home, heard what happened, didn’t pause to think and marched right over to the neighbors house to let them know that their daughter was excluding her son.   Later she found out it wasn’t the little girl that excluded him after all and she got chewed out by the girl’s father when she went back to apologize.

So now this mom has drama in the neighborhood, which could have been avoided if she’d taken a step back and processed the situation internally, recognized that it wasn’t a big deal at all and moved on with her life.

Frequently, instead of dealing with our own pain internally, we unconsciously (or consciously) think it’s a good idea to reach out, react or spout off and we’re forced to live out the negative consequences of those actions.

So let’s learn from this scenario and from now on strive to only speak of those things which bring joy, happiness, love or peace to the world.   If you have a strong desire to reach out and tell someone about how they’ve harmed you, first seek to resolve that hurt internally and see if perhaps the desire to reach out dissipates.

In each moment we need to look at our own responsibility and consciously determine whether to react or not react.  If we can practice non-reaction, which means you will process your hurts and pain inside first, your wealth will increase by leaps and bounds.

But if you choose the drama, you will lose every time— financially, emotionally and spiritually.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve shared with you the first steps of manifestation and how to create life on your terms once and for all. Before we go on, make sure you are practicing step one and you’ve made a list of all the things you really do want in your life.

By now you should be very clear on what you truly desire for your life, even if your dreams seem selfish, unrealistic or totally out of reach.

And by now you should also be seeing in your mind and feeling in your body what it would be like to pay off your credit cards, drive a car that no longer breaks down, take that dream vacation to Maui with your family, or whatever else is on your list.

If you need a refresher on how to work through this first step of the manifestation process, please refer back to my earlier article in this manifestation series: acknowledging what you want.

If you feel comfortable with step one and you are ready to see your dreams become reality, then let’s move on to the remaining steps which are:

2. Manifest Your Dreams with Words and Actions

Once you have gotten as clear as you possibly can on what you really do want in your life, the next step to create life on your terms™ is to begin moving these desires into the physical realm through your words and actions.

I’m sure you’ve heard by now about creating a vision board where you cut out pictures of things you’d like to have in your life and put them on a board that you can look at throughout the day to remind you of what you want.

That’s definitely great place to start, but that’s not the only way to do it. During this part of the manifestation process you might paint a picture, write music or simply tell everyone you know about your vision. Each one of these works as well as the vision board.

Here’s a recent example from my own life to help you understand what I mean.

Ever since I moved to California and discovered the Hermosa Beach walkstreets (10 flat streets that are perpendicular to the beach that no cars can drive on), I’ve wanted to live there.

Yet every time I’d think about it, my mind would automatically say, “Sorry Alexis, you can’t afford to live on a walkstreet.

Houses there are a minimum of two million dollars and that is NOT in your budget right now”.

After learning about the process of manifestation, I began to overcome these thoughts and recognize them for what they were - conditioned thoughts that had no basis in Reality, the reality that governs the Universe rather than our everyday circumstances.

So instead of dismissing my dreams and feeling defeated, I took action.

First, I set a timer for 5 minutes and wrote out everything I wanted my “dream house on the beach” to be. I specifically wanted to live on a walkstreet in Hermosa Beach a block from the ocean. I wanted 3 bedrooms, wood floors and the rent/mortgage would need to be under $3,000 a month (which again, seemed impossible considering the area). I also wanted it on the north side of the street because that was the side that got the most sun throughout the day.

And while this dream seemed impossible by anyone’s standards, I found the perfect house within weeks of writing out my description. 3 bedrooms, wood floors, rent of $2,700 a month, the Pacific Ocean within steps of my door and it was even on the north side of the street! This was just the beginning.

I used the same process to find my next house (even better!), manifest a fantastic relationship and many, many other wonderful events and opportunities that have come into my life.

3. Stay Open for the Opportunities

Here’s the key to all of it though. It’s not enough to get clear on what you want and then write it down or pain the picture. This last step is most important. You need to stay open for the opportunities that will allow your manifestation into your life.

With the house, that meant actively looking in the local paper for properties each week and even driving through the area I wanted to live to see what was for rent. When the perfect place appeared, I was there to see it!

But I also want you to remind you that the universe may send something that “appears” to be the right thing, but isn’t. In fact, you will always be given tests and if you settle for less than you really want, guess what you get!  So stay open to the opportunities–but do not settle. Stay focused on what you really want and have faith that you will attract it with your open anticipation and action-taking when you follow the process of manifestation and create life on your terms!

A couple of weeks ago, I shared with you the beginning process of creating life on your terms.  That part of the process focused on clearing the way to allow possibilities into your life.

Today, we are putting it into action. Creating life on your terms is easy, when you know the formula and you’ve practiced it for a while.  There are some key places I see people get hung up pretty consistently, so we’ll cover those too.

You may be thinking, “Alexis, I’ll never see life on my terms until I hit the lottery….. or get over this illness……or break out of this unhappy marriage”.

Well, friend, I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to wait for the perfect situation to live life on your terms!  In fact, I’m going to show you how to create life on your terms regardless of what your circumstances are right now through the process of manifestation.

Now, before you dismiss what I’m about to say as woo-woo out there stuff, take a breath and listen.  This works.  It’s worked for me over and over and over again for the past 5 years.  It’s required patience and perseverance.

What I can tell you is that 6 years ago I was stuck in an unhappy marriage, working  in a job I didn’t like, living in an 850 square foot house and felt totally stuck.  Today, I work from home running a million dollar company, live in my dream home with an ocean view, drive a Mercedes that I’m only paying $400/month for, I’ve healed my relationship with my now ex-husband, have full custody of my kids and no longer have to pay huge child support or alimony.  I’m in a relationship with a man I love and I get to build businesses with and have great adventures with.  He’s exactly what I asked for.

All of it is attributable to the biggest single Wealth Secret I can share with you … the power of manifestation.

Understanding Manifestation as a Key Wealth Secret

The process of manifestation requires serious work on your part.  I don’t want to mislead you into thinking it’s an overnight process or that everything you want will drop in your lap with no effort on your part.  What I can tell you is that if you persevere and keep your eye on the prize - everything you want!- the rewards are immeasurable.

And, once you learn to harness the power of manifestation, you can use it in every area and aspect of your life.

So let’s get into the process of manifestation and discuss how you can use it to create life on your terms™.

1. Acknowledge What You Want
The first step to unleashing the process of manifestation is to get very clear with what you want in your life.   The more specific you are with your desires, the more effective this process will be.

So I want you to sit down and really think about what it is that you want at this point in your life and just spend some time acknowledging it.

This can be the most difficult part of the whole process.  It can be difficult to really own up to what we want.  It seems so big and unmanageable and impossible that we cut it off because our biggest fear is that we’ll want it and then not get it.

Here’s an example of what that looks like in my life:

There’s nothing I’ve wanted more than to be able to be a present hands-on mommy for my children.  But, because I thought it was impossible (I am the breadwinner in our family), I cut off that desire.  Instead of acknowledging my desire to be a hands-on mommy, I focused my energy on finding other people to take care of my kids and told myself I love working 14-16 hours a day.

That was a lie.  A lie I told myself that kept me from getting hurt by wanting something so badly and then not getting it.

What I really wanted was to be a hands-on mommy, raising my kids with my values, my experiences, my teachings.  And once I acknowledged that, which took me  a long time to do, I could begin to create a life that would allow for that.

So, the starting place is get out a pen and a pad of paper and write down everything you want in life.  Begin by going through a mental review of your day.  If you could make your life look anyway you wanted from the moment you woke up until you got back in bed at the end of the day, what would your day look like?

When you open your eyes, what would you see?

When you get up to go to the bathroom, what do you see?

What does your first meal of the day consistent of?

Who makes it?

Where do you eat it?

Who is with you during all of this?

Go through your day in that level of attention and detail and write down everything you want to experience.

Who is there?  What are you doing?  Where are you?

Resist the mind blocks that will come up that say “you can’t have that.”  Thank your mind for sharing and bring your attention back to what you really want without restriction.  Make this as big as you can possibly imagine and let the desire for even what feels impossible in to your fantasy.

Remember-you aren’t making any decisions as you get clear on what you want; rather, you are just getting comfortable with what you really desire that you’ve been blocking up until now.   So relax and do some old fashioned soul searching before you move on to the next step.

Most importantly - DO NOT JUDGE whatever comes up for you.

It could be that what you really want is a lavish lifestyle. Or perhaps, you really want simplicity.  It’s all right.  This is your life you are creating.  No one else’s.

Maybe you want to pay off your credit cards in 6 months or sell your house and move somewhere you’ve always wanted to live.  Maybe you want to travel around the world.  Maybe you want to go live on an Ashram in India or a Kibbutz in Israel.  Perhaps you want to stay right where you are and just have more freedom in your life.  Great!  Whatever it is, get as clear as you can on what that looks like before we move on to the next step.

I was going to give you all three steps today, but step 1 seems pretty big on its own.  So, where’s what we are going to do.

I’m giving you this next week to get step 1 done.  It can take that long to get through this part of the process.  Don’t shortchange yourself here.  Work through what you really, really want - keep a manifestation journal with you at all times and as you gain an awareness of something you want, jot it down in there.

And then I’ll see you next week with the other two parts of the process for manifesting everything you want in your life.

Oh and by the way, begin to welcome the experiences where you get to see exactly what you don’t want!  Sometimes that’s the very best way to get clear on what you want … by seeing and experiencing what you don’t.  So, the next time you are experiencing something you don’t want, instead of getting  angry and looking for someone to blame, be grateful and as I tell my kids allow it to focus you on what you do want.  Jot it down in your notebook and you are one step closer to creating life on your terms™.

For now, just do that.  As I tell my kids when they are freaking out because they don’t have something, focus on what you want.

After you’ve done that for a while and practiced that and gotten good at it, we can talk about the next step.  Perhaps you won’t even need the next step because just that will attract more than you can imagine.

Let me know and I’ve give you another practice next week.

The media is having a field day with the stars of the TLC reality television show “Jon and Kate Plus 8” claiming that the family (more specifically Kate) is exploiting their children in exchange for fame and fortune.

This issue was most recently addressed by MSNBC reporter Courtney Hazlett, who penned a rather scathing article entitled “Jon and Kate Exploit their 8” that read:

If the Gosselins wanted the alleged cheating issue off the table, they’ve gotten their wish. Unfortunately, the dialogue about “Jon & Kate Plus 8” has shifted to a subject that’s almost (if not more) troubling: Whether the “Plus 8” are being exploited.

Of course they are.

Look no further than the show’s title for the most obvious evidence. The “Plus 8,” who are every bit as responsible for the show’s success as their dubiously motivated parents, have been reduced to a single unit. It’s essential to headline writing and show marketing, but who can name them all? It just doesn’t feel right that Cara, Mady, Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah and Joel get none of the benefits and all of the objectification that comes with unscripted programming. Worse yet, they aren’t totally willing participants …

With all due respect to Ms. Hazlett and my readers, if you feel that Kate Gosselin is exploiting her kids for money, corporate sponsorships, trips and other perks—stop and take a good hard look at the reality behind the reality show.

Before Jon and Kate they had their children Jon worked as an IT analyst and Kate as a registered nurse. At top salaries in their industries, Jon would have brought in approximately $75,000 annually and Kate around $60,000.

That’s a combined income of $135,000—a comfortable income for a family of 3 or maybe 4—but definitely NOT 8.

Let’s not forget the cost of childcare in this equation if both Jon and Kate worked outside of the home. The bill for in-home nannies or daycare stays would be ASTRONOMICAL and far exceed the income Jon and Kate would bring in doing their traditional careers. Not to mention that it’d be incredibly difficult to find a caretaker for all 8 children, especially considering it doesn’t appear either of their immediate families are on the scene.

Now, put yourself in Kate’s shoes. It’s clear that Jon is pretty much incapable of taking responsibility for supporting his family. He can’t even take responsibility for his own happiness. How is Jon going to support 9 other people?

So like every working mother who desperately cares for her children and wants to ensure their daily well-being while being as present as possible in their lives on a day to day basis, Kate figured out a way to make it happen for her family.

What better way to spend as much time as possible with your kids while also earning enough money to meet the vast needs of 8 children?

And while it may disturb you when Kate refers to the show and the “brand” of “Jon and Kate Plus” (or maybe Kate Plus 8 ) as her family business, we can’t diminish the fact that Kate’s kids will grow up having their mother’s presence in a way they never would if she was trying to raise them on a nurse’s salary.

Other than travel for press appearances and her book tour, Kate is home with her children constantly.

Kids aren’t fakers. The Gosselin kids are happy, intelligent and wonderful children. Kate seems to be doing a pretty darn good job. And she’s looking at needing to step it up even more because it appears Jon is on his way out.

So I say give Kate and her family a break.

Of course Kate’s marriage is on the rocks. Jon is miserably unhappy and blaming everyone around him for it instead of taking responsibility for his happiness and doing something about.

What can you learn from Jon and Kate? Perhaps whatever they trigger within you can provide you with some insight into yourself and what you really want out of life.

Maybe if you are an employed outside the home mom and you see Kate as exploiting her kids and that outrages you, maybe it’s not Kate you are outraged at, but yourself. Maybe your outrage means that you really want to be home with your kids more. Let in that possibility.

If you are a stay at home mom and you get a charge from Kate’s travel without her kids maybe what you really long for is to be away, for just a night.

And if your charge comes from Jon and Kate’s relationship, take a look at that. Do you see parallels in your relationship? Are you unhappy like Jon? Can you relate?

What does any of this have to do with your wealth? The more you can move out of judgment of other people’s lives and go within to find the nucleus of your own beliefs about yourself, the more freedom you will find in every area of your life, especially in your wealth.