If you’ve ever agonized over the decision about where to send your kids to school or you are doing it now or contemplating it in the future, I can relate.

We had moved to Hermosa Beach, anticipating we’d send our kids to their fantastic schools.

And, I’m a big supporter - don’t miss the annual Hearts of Hermosa event at Sangria on March 7, 2008.

But, the year before Kaia was ready to start Kindergarten, one of my good friends suggested I at least look at the private schools in Palos Verdes, just to keep my options open.

So, I did. And, I fell in love with Chadwick.

In the past three years that Kaia has been there, I’ve become certain that without a doubt it was the best choice we could have possibly made, even though we have to drive 30 minutes to get there, come up with the hefty tuition, and all of her friends are scattered throughout the South Bay and surrounding areas (which means FAR).

Here’s why:

As a more than full-time employed mom, the most important thing when it came to my kids’ education was that I would be able to rely on Kaia’s teachers to know her, teach her what she needed to know and keep me informed all along the way.

I knew I wouldn’t be the kind of parent who could be working in my child’s classroom very often or who would spend a lot of time comparing notes with the other mom’s to see how my kid was doing compared to everyone else and be able to quickly diagnose any issues.

I needed a school where they’d know Kaia as well, or perhaps better, than me and keep me informed every step of the way.

Chadwick has been everything I could hope for in this regard.

It turns out that Kaia had some reading problems that I don’t think would have been noticed in a half day kindergarten class at our local public school. I certainly wouldn’t have noticed.

Chadwick noticed - fast. At our very first parent teacher conference in Kindergarten, in fact.

And while I was initially resistant to the idea that anyone could know that early that there were reading problems, they were right on.

Because we caught it and intervened early, Kaia is getting all the tools and support she needs, is turning into a great reader and has not a shred of self-confidence issues around her reading today.

I thank Chadwick for that.

And I know this awareness will carry through to the upper class years as well.

I was mercilessly bullied throughout junior high and some of high school; it was extremely painful. Not one administrator or teacher ever did anything about it. The school was just too big and no one was paying attention.

When Chadwick sees that sort of thing happening, they nip it in the bud right away, by helping the kids and parents become aware of the issue and not pretending it doesn’t exist.

Because the school is small compared to a public school, you just can’t get away with as much and that’s really important to me.

I have a great sense of peace in knowing that Kaia will not be teased and even more importantly, she will not be allowed to tease.

What it all comes down to is that I know with 100% certainty that the teachers and administrators know Kaia, they know what she needs, and they can give it to her. She’s never going to get lost in a crowd there, be able to hide or feel unheard or unseen. And to me, that’s the greatest gift I can give her.

Now, with a little luck, we’ll have two kids there next year. And, don’t think for a minute that I don’t swallow hard when writing those big tuition checks. It doesn’t come easily, but I find the resources because it’s knowing she’s there getting her needs met that allows me to spend my time and energy doing what I love to do and so I write the check with gratitude.

© 2008 Alexis Martin Neely

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include everything in quotes with it: “Written by Alexis Martin Neely, mom, writer, speaker and Personal Family Lawyer. Alexis makes it super easy for your family to talk about and plan for sticky subjects like money, death and taxes. Get Alexis’ humorous, enlightening, and often quite revealing “Family Wealth Secrets” at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com.”

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These are the 11 things you should ask before engaging an estate planning lawyer to help you plan for the well-being of your money, your family and your life.

1. Do you prepare a comprehensive plan for my kids’ care if something happens to me, like the Kids Protection Plan™ that names short and long-term guardians and gives specific instructions to all of the guardians and my caregivers? What about an ID card for my wallet listing the short-term guardians with their contact information?
2. Are all of your fees flat fees? What about for ongoing work after the initial completion of my estate plan documents? What happens when I call with legal questions 2 years after my planning documents were completed? What if the questions are about something other than my estate plan?
3. Do you have a whole team in place or is it just you? What happens if something happens to you or you retire?
4. What happens if I need to get a quick question answered and you are not available?
5. Do you make sure my assets are titled in the right way? How?
6. What happens when things change in my life? Do you notify me about changes in the law? How often do you communicate with me?
7. Does my planning fee include a regular review of my plan? What if I want to make changes to my plan?
8. Do you have any sort of an estate planning maintenance program or membership program for ongoing service and, if so, what does that include?
9. Do you have a process for helping me capture and pass on my intangible wealth, such as my intellectual, spiritual and human assets or who I am and what’s important to me?
10. Can you structure my estate plan so that whatever I leave to my kids will be protected from a lawsuit against them or if they are divorced in the future? How often do you build that kind of planning into client’s plans?
11. Do you guarantee your service?

Knowing the questions to these answers before you engage an estate planning lawyer will ensure you put in place an estate plan for your family that will really work when your family needs it and won’t end up just a pile of worthless paper after you are gone.

© 2008 Alexis Martin Neely

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include everything in quotes with it: “Written by Alexis Martin Neely, mom, writer, speaker and Personal Family Lawyer. Alexis makes it super easy for your family to talk about and  plan for sticky subjects like money, death and taxes. Get Alexis’ humorous, enlightening, and often quite revealing “Family Wealth Secrets” at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com.”

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Britney’s parents finally stepped in and took control of their out of control daughter’s future and she’s grounded until at least Monday. And, its about time!

Brit’s a perfect example of what happens when kids get control of big money too young and why you want to make sure you’ve set up your estate plan for your kids to make sure they never get outright control of the money you’ll leave behind for them too early.

Almost universally, when setting up trusts for their kids, my clients don’t give their kids the possibility of financial control over family wealth until they are over the age of 30 because they know what could happen when kids’ get control too soon.

The Spears’ family didn’t have that option because Britney earned her money, so the day she turned 18, Britney had no restriction on how to use her money. Less than 8 years later, she’s spiraled out of control and while she may have plenty of money left still, she may never get to enjoy it if she doesn’t learn the lessons her parents didn’t have the chance to teach her while she was busy becoming a superstar. I hope her parents will have the fortitude to get her back on track.

Yesterday, Brit’s dad took the first step by filing for conservatorship over Britney’s person and her estate.

What does this mean?

By being appointed as the conservator of Britney’s person, dad Jamie is given the right to control who gets to see her and where she goes, plus he can get access to her medical records and depending on the paperwork filed, he could also get the right to make medical decisions for her.

As co-conservator of her estate (with lawyer Andrew M. Wallett), Jamie now controls access to Britney’s credit cards and bank accounts.

Effectively, Jamie Spears is back in control of his daughter’s financial and physical well-being. He’s been given the legal authority to be a dad again and ground her.

The conservatorship is temporary until Monday, but I have to imagine it will extended. This is certainly a case where it’s needed.

Brit’s grounded for now and let’s hope that the Judge sees how much this girl needs her parents back in the driver’s seat for a while.

Don’t worry Brit, I was grounded for 3 months when I was 14 and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Your parents are doing this because they love you and as soon as you get that, you can start to turn your life around too. It’s not too late.

© 2008 Alexis Martin Neely

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include everything in quotes with it: “Written by Alexis Martin Neely, mom, writer, speaker and Personal Family Lawyer. Alexis makes it super easy for your family to talk about and  plan for sticky subjects like money, death and taxes. Get Alexis’ humorous, enlightening, and often quite revealing “Family Wealth Secrets” at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com.”

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A couple of months ago, I felt something in my breast. It felt like a big movable mass.

Yikes!

I didn’t think much about it, but all the sudden noticed it again a couple weeks ago.

My hands couldn’t keep away from it. I found myself constantly checking to see if it was still there.

Then, it started to hurt.

I was getting nervous, so I made a house call to my doctor (my good friend Arlene is an ER doctor, so we barter concierge medicine service for personal legal services!) and she checked it out for me.

A lump. 2cm wide. She drew a picture on a prescription pad, told me to call up our friend (and client of mine) who is a radiologist at Torrance Memorial and get it checked out.

I breastfed my kids for so long that there is virtually no chance that it’s breast cancer, but better safe than sorry about these sorts of things.

So, off I went for a mammogram and an ultrasound.

Fortunately, everything checked out a-OK! But, the whole experience made me even more grateful that I had recorded my Priceless Conversation for my kids recently.

And, I found out that the guidelines for breast self exams have changed. Apparently, the circle motion is out ladies! Get more information here. For anyone that is in the Los Angeles area you can attend a free Breast Health Lecture at Torrance Memorial from 5p to 6p on December 6, 2007. Call 310-784-6335 to sign up.October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. If you’re age 40 or older, join the millions of women who get mammograms on a regular basis and encourage the women in your life to get mammograms on a regular basis. You can have all the family wealth in the world, but if you don’t have your health, you have nothing at all.

© 2007 Alexis Martin Neely

WANT TO SEE MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Alexis’ www.FamilyWealthMatters.com.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include everything in quotes with it: “Written by Alexis Neely, mom, writer, speaker and Personal Family Lawyer. Alexis makes it super easy for your family to talk about and plan for sticky subjects like money, death and taxes. Get Alexis’ humorous, enlightening, and often quite revealing “Family Wealth Secrets” at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com”

You probably think I would say Sophie should absolutely get extra accommodation to take the medical exam boards and be able to pump milk for her 4-month old daughter.

I received an accommodation myself when I took the bar exam because I was pumping milk, so I can definitely relate to Sophie’s need.

I don’t recall getting extra time; I did get to take the test in my own little glass room with a partition I could go behind to express milk whenever I wanted.

And, let me tell you, half the battle on the bar exam is handling the stress caused by being in a massive room with hundreds of other stressed out people.

I had my own quiet glass cage.

Frankly, I’m still a bit up in the air about Sophie’s accommodation. She had already received accommodations for dyslexia and ADHA … is it possible she could have pumped and tested without the extra break? Maybe.

I’ll decide before Friday when I’m going to be on The Morning Show With Mike and Juliet. Find your local station and time here.

Nevertheless, here’s the lesson Sophie has for me.

Be clear about what you want and need, and don’t be ashamed to ask for it! If you need extra time on a test, ask for it. If you need a hug from your spouse, ask for it. If you need time for yourself, ask for it.

Now, get on over to my blog, and tell me what you think.
© 2007 Alexis Martin Neely

WANT TO SEE MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Alexis’ www.FamilyWealthMatters.com.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this everything in quotes with it: “Written by Alexis Neely, mom, writer, speaker and Personal Family Lawyer. Alexis makes it super easy for your family to talk about and plan for sticky subjects like money, death and taxes. Get Alexis’ humorous, enlightening, and often quite revealing “Family Wealth Secrets” at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com“

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I was home in Miami over the Labor Day Weekend and I stopped in to see my cousins, Al and Joey, who own and operate a highly successful plumbing business started by Al in the 1980s, Empire Plumbing, on Miami Beach.

Al was smart enough to invest in real estate all over Miami Beach before it was “South Beach” so as you can imagine he’s doing pretty darn well for a guy who barely graduated high school.

When I told my mom I had seen Al and mentioned how well he was doing financially, she said, “We always told Al he was going to be a millionaire.” Lo and behold, Al is a millionaire today.

I was talking about that late with Dave and he told me that one of the common denominators of many successful people is they were told during their lifetime that they would be successful by their parents and/or other important adults in their life.

Everytime I argued my case for something I wanted when I was growing up, which was often, I heard “Alexis, you’re going to be some lawyer.” Lo and behold, I’m a lawyer.

Several months ago, I spent time at the home of a consultant I worked with and I was saddened to hear him repeatedly refer to his kids as lazy, good for nothing teenagers, not only to me, but in front of them as well.

While I know he thought he was doing it in jest, I could see the writing on the wall … his kids are not likely to become millionaires or lawyers. Quite the opposite, they are likely to be destined for a lifetime of unhappiness, insecurity and fear.

Be very aware of what you say to your kids, the labels you apply might just stick.

© 2007 Alexis Martin Neely

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this everything in quotes with it: “Written by Alexis Neely, mom, writer, speaker and Personal Family Lawyer. Alexis makes it super easy for your family to talk about and plan for sticky subjects like money, death and taxes. Get Alexis’ humorous, enlightening, and often quite revealing “Family Wealth Secrets” at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com”

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I very rarely get out to go to the movies, but this weekend I made the time to go see the Bourne Ultimatum with my honey.

The theater was PACKED.

I was shocked at the number of people who brought little, little kids with them to the flick.

3, 4 and 5 year olds!

Including, unfortunately, the couple sitting right next to me. Ugh! I went to the movies to get a break from my kids, not to hang out with theirs.

Oh, and they also brought a big bag of chips from CVS that were all crinkly and crunchy and made lots of noise.

Now, you know - I LOve kids, but I do NOT (more…)

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For the past several months now I’ve been sharing my Family Wealth Secrets with you, but haven’t had a real clear definition of what Family Wealth is, exactly.

I do now.

Family Wealth is “The whole wealth that is passed on from one generation to the next, encompassing your financial, human, intellectual and spiritual capital.”

When passed on with intention, a family can maximize it’s Family Wealth across generations, as has been done by the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds, names that have become synonymous with wealth and well-being in America.

When Family Wealth is not intentionally considered, it is typically lost within three generations, giving rise to the proverb that crosses cultural lines - shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.

In your culture it might be:

• Clogs to Clogs in three generations
• Barn Stalls to Barn Stalls in three generations
• Rice Paddies to Rice Paddies in three generations.

The shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves phenomena is the same regardless of culture because the pattern is universal.

The successor generation (your children or maybe even you) that enjoys the benefits of affluence is often not motivated to work as effectively as those who created the Family Wealth.

In my experience working with parents I can see that most parents are not giving these issues much thought until it appears to be too late.

When I meet with parents of young children, they are universally idealistic about their children’s future potential. They are optimistic that they will raise their children with their values and that their children will absorb those values.

Yet, most have no plan, no structure, no system in place for ensuring that happens.

Years go by and their sweet little babies turn into surly, rebellious, lazy, unmotivated teenagers and young adults.

I was one of these myself for quite a long time.

(more…)

Two friends contacted me this week to let me know they’d lost their jobs and to ask my advice from a legal perspective.

Both were surprised by my answer, I think.

You see, I don’t believe there’s a legal solution for every problem. In fact, just the opposite, I believe that the law offers very few solutions for most people.

Sure, there are some situations in which you should absolutely talk to a lawyer after you’ve lost your job. I’ll share those with you next week.

In most cases, bringing in a lawyer is NOT the right answer.

Here’s what I recommend you do before you contact a lawyer.

1. Be grateful for the new opportunites that are about to come your way. You’ve heard it before …

As one door closes, there’s another one swinging open. If you are standing there pounding on the closed door, you’ll completely miss the open door behind which lays the opportunity you’ve been waiting for.

In my opinion, contacting a lawyer is likely to keep you pounding away on that closed door.

2. Examine why you lost your job without looking for others to blame.

As an employer, I can tell you that I will bend over backwards to keep employees who bring enthusiasm, joy, skill, dedication and effort to their job.

With conscious thought, ask yourself if you really Were bringing all of you to your job? If not, the Universe gave you a huge gift by ending it for you.

(more…)

The holidays are officially here, and for me, that’s not necessarily a good thing.

As a single mom with a very busy law practice and a couple of other businesses underway, any disruption to our regular routine can wreak havoc.

Inevitably, there will be an early pickup at Kaia’s school that I will be unaware of until the morning of and I’ll be scrambling to get her home. Or, Noah’s preschool will be closed on a day I didn’t think about and I’ll be without childcare at the last minute.

Luckily, I’ve started living very much in the moment and I’m doing a lot less projecting into the future.

You know what I’ve noticed? I’ve noticed that all the same things still happen - but, I don’t stress about them in advance AND it ALWAYS works out.

So, if you want to know the true secret to my success - and, a lot of you have asked me about this - Alexis, how in the world do you do everything you do?

You can do it too! Just stop worrying about things so much. Do the very best you can to plan for what might come up with the realization that you are going to miss something. And, it might be something that seems important.

But, in the grand scheme of things - it’s ok!

The secret to my freedom is that I’ve begun to truly accept my shortcomings. When I make a mistake I forgive myself. When I forget something I forgive myself. When my kids are raging mad at me about something, I forgive myself.

And, know what? Everyone around me treats me with a whole lot more love and acceptance as well.

So, this holiday season, my wish for you is to forgive yourself for anything that you’ve been too hard on yourself about. Let it go and give yourself the love you’ve been looking for.

Now I’ve got to run before I’m late for Kaia’s carpool!

Happy day to you.

Dedicated to Your Family’s Well-Being,

~ Alexis

PS If you are traveling this holiday season and you have not yet made sure your family would be taken care of if something happens to you, call our office right away; there’s still time to get this taken care of!