Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I’m not only taking a work break for the rest of this week, I’m also taking an email break. So, if you email me or my office, don’t expect a response until next week. Of course, if you are a client, the emergency cell phone is always on for you.

When I lived in Washington, D.C. during law school I was mugged during broad daylight riding my bike home from school one day and ever since then I’ve been a bit skittish.

One of the things I’ve always liked about living in Hermosa Beach is how safe I feel. When I lived down by the beach, I didn’t mind that my neighbors could hear my loud conversations because I knew that also meant they were there in case something happened.

Now that I live on a bigger lot with fewer neighbors I worry more. Well, as of last night, I realize I have nothing to worry about. There are still plenty of people around aware of what’s happening at my house.

Imagine my terror when I was woken from a dead sleep by a light flashing on and off outside my bedroom window. I thought it was the headlights from a passing car, but then I heard the banging. Oh my God, I thought I was going to die. My heart was pounding a million miles a minute.

I always sleep with the phone right next to me, so I grabbed it and prayed it wouldn’t be dead. It wasn’t! I called 911 and the hermosa beach police dispatcher answered right away. I breathlessly told her that someone was in my backyard.

My fear was only slightly tempered to hear that it was the police in my backyard. The police?!? What were they doing in my backyard?

Turns out, one of my neighbors had been walking by my house (it was only midnight, though I didn’t know that at the time) and saw two of the screens on my windows popped out and called the police to come check things out. The police had rung the bell, but I couldn’t hear it because I was sleeping at the back of the house.

So, THANK YOU nosey neighbors for watching out for me and for sending the police to my house. I appreciate your concern!

And, in the spririt of thanksgiving, I want to thank YOU for reading my weekly email newsletter week in and week out and for sending me such great feedback. And, even though I don’t have an opportunity to respond to all of the feedback, I do read all of it. So, thank you!

I also want to give public thanks to all of the people in my life who on a daily basis make it possible for me to be a mommy, run multiple companies and stay mostly sane, so in no particular order:

Thank you, thank you, thank you - Susan, Anna, Lexi, Nathalie, Emily, Jill, Bari, Lynne, Erin, Randy, Dave, Joanne, Todd, Marc, Tyson, Cindy, Judy, Abbe, Melody, Karen, Marion, Daniel, Karinna, Carla, Amy, Eric, and Gina - THANK YOU!

Enjoy your turkey and I’ll talk with you next week.

Dedicated to Your Family’s Well-Being,

~ Alexis

PS - Want to make your own gratitude list? You can do so at http://www.thegratitudelist.com

PPS - Kaia and Noah are looking totally different with their big kid haircuts. Kaia’s gone very short and Noah’s got a mohawk! Take a look at http://www.familywealthblog.com.

Kaia Before Kaia After

Noah Before Noah After

As you probably know, I recently finalized my divorce. Out of my four closest friends, two of them just finished their divorces; the third is just starting the process, and the fourth - seriously considering it. Is it contagious?

I remember when I got into my late 20s, there was a time period where it felt as if I was getting a wedding invitation every week! Well, the tide has turned and I’ve hit the age where many people I know are either getting divorced or considering divorce. I guess it only makes sense considering that the national divorce rate is about 50% and here in California it’s a whopping 60-75%!! That’s a huge number.

Three other friends that I am less close with have recently turned to me for advice about their relationships and possible divorce. From the outside, looking into these relationships, I would never have guessed that divorce was being discussed at home. Maybe it’s happening in your house (or business) too and you aren’t sure what to do - if so, I hope this message will be of help to you during what I know is a difficult and confusing time.

So, here are some tips to help you keep your personal and business relationships intact:

1. Take personal responsibility for everything that is happening in your relationship, but don’t blame yourself for not being able to make it work.
2. Do not blame your partner for the lack of passion, lack of connection, lack of communication or lack of whatever you perceive as lacking. Focus on how you can bring more of what you want into your life and into your relationship.
3. Use this time as an opportunity to identify where you can improve yourself by releasing old judgments you’ve held about yourself or old behaviors that have you stuck in patterns that lead to unhappiness. Even if it doesn’t save this relationship, it will prepare you to have the best divorce possible and for your new life afterwards.

If this message was just what you needed, I know how confusing things are for you right now - I’ve been there! And, I can promise you that as soon as you stop resisting what is happening and start taking some of the actions I described above, the answers about what to do will naturally come to you.

Next week, I’ll follow up with everything you must know and do if you’ve decided it’s just not going to work and divorce is the best possible option.

Dedicated to Your Family’s Well-Being,

Alexis

PS – One of the best books I read when I was trying desperately to save my marriage was Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships - David Schnarch. You can get your own copy right here: Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships It’s a must read for anyone in a committed relationship, not just marriage.

As an estate planning lawyer and a mom I think a lot about what I can do to give my kids tools for a successful life. Many of my tools came from growing up without much money and having to figure it out on my own. I started working at the age of 14 in a pizza place answering phones and I’ve never stopped. All of my experiences led me to become an attorney and business woman with an amazingly positive can-do attitude and a strong work ethic. It’s unlikely that my children will have the same experiences I had because I already have a lot more wealth than my parents had and yet I want them to learn the skills they will need to have a successful life and the desire to make a difference in the world.

You’ve all heard the proverb shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations, I am sure. Pick up the book “Family Wealth: Keeping it in the Family” by James E. Hughes, Jr. and in chapter one you’ll read about the common phenomenon that often results when the first generation starts out with no wealth, but much creativity and builds the family fortune, which then gives the second generation the luxury of a great lifestyle without the creativity and hard work that it took to create it until finally the third generation grows up in luxury spending the money frivolously and without any connection to how it was made or what it means, fating the fourth generation back to having to figure it all out on their own.

Of course, it doesn’t have to be that way! The Family Wealth Planning Institute is dedicated to teaching you how to avoid the shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves phenomenon in your family by giving your children the tools for success that will teach them the value of wealth and how to make a difference in the world.