Once again, another celebrity has died with an out of date estate plan.  This week’s article helps you understand why a set of form documents aren’t the best bet for your family, just like they weren’t for Heath Ledger’s family.

In addition, you are going to start to see a change here at the Family Wealth Secrets online magazine - notably, all the future articles will be focused specifically on building your Family Wealth and passing it on after you are gone.

That’s right, no more articles about personal development, what’s going on in my life, or my experiences as an entrepreneur.

I’ve launched a new blog - The Intrepid Entrepreneur - for those of you who want more of that.  And, it’s a real deal blog, not an e-zine, not an online magazine, not an e-newsletter.

What’s the difference, you ask?

Well, I’ve been spending lots of time thinking about that myself because while I blog, I don’t feel like a real blogger because I don’t believe very many people come to any of my sites looking for updates, I’ve got very few people subscribed to my blog feeds and hardly anyone ever comments.

There are thousands of people signed up to receive my online magazines, but that’s me sending an email out to your inbox saying here’s some information - eat it up.  If you look at the blogs of two of my favorite bloggers - Penelope Trunk & Tim Ferriss - you’ll see that they’ve got a whole conversation going on their blogs. They post, people comment, they respond - it’s a community.

As a blogger, I imagine people will keep coming back to my blog to get fed instead of me spoon feeding the message (force-feeding?) into your inbox.  You’ll be reading past posts, laughing, crying, and most excitedly, leaving comments so it will become more of a community, more of a conversation.

Plus, it will give me an outlet for writing about everything happening in my life. I’ve been sneaking some of it into my Family Wealth Secrets and Law Business Secrets online magazines, but it’s really not the right forum for it.

So, I’ve decided I’m going to write about just Family Wealth stuff on the Family Wealth Secrets and just Law Business stuff at Law Business Secrets and I might even invite guest hosts to write articles on those sites, but if you want to get the real nitty gritty on what’s going on in my life, with my businesses and how one woman raises two kids, builds three businesses, writes a NY Times bestseller, becomes the next Suze Orman and realizes every other dream she’s ever had, you’ll just have to subscribe to the RSS feed at my blog, The Intrepid Entrepreneur - because now I’m a real deal blogger.

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When I graduated from law school, first year starting salaries at the big law firms were 135k/year.

I thought I was rolling in the dough. I had started working at 14 when minimum wage was $3.35. I worked my way through college waitressing and through law school working for Westlaw. Even with all that, I graduated with nearly 100k in student loans.

I thought 135k was big money! And it would have been if I had been a single woman. But, I wasn’t.

I was the breadwinner in my family, supporting my husband and our two kids. We bought a house, paid taxes and suddenly that big  paycheck was stretched mighty thin. I was constantly pinching pennies, feeling the squeeze.

I wanted to leave the big law firm and start my own firm, but thought I couldn’t afford it. I started to resent my job, my husband, and our house.

I felt stuck.

Until the day my mindset shifted from “I can’t afford it” to “How can I afford it?” Suddenly, a whole new world of possibilities opened up.

I found the resources to launch my law firm in the most unexpected places. And although I felt scared as I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone, not only financially, but emotionally and spiritually as well, I learned that I would never run out.

Today, that lesson continues to serve me.

As I prepare to send two kids to private school, I no longer say “I can’t afford it” even though if you asked a traditional financial advisor she’d say no way can I afford it.

Instead, I ask “how can I?” and know that because it’s important to me, I will find the resources I need.

Here are some ways I’m doing it:

I’m downsizing my housing costs significantly; I’ve traded in my fancy leased car for a less expensive used car; and I found a roommate on CoAbode, a website for single mom’s looking to share housing.

The best part about these money-savers is they’ve actually enhanced my life.

The house I’m moving into is my dream house! It’s on a walkstreet in Hermosa and while it needs a lot of work right now, it could be my forever house.

My car is great to drive and Jodi isn’t just a roommate, she’s a blessing.  She does all the grocery shopping and cooking and brings a sunny energy into my life, not to mention the cutest baby you can imagine. She’s the housewife I’ve always dreamed of having and is the ideal addition to my harem. 

None of this happened by accident. If I had kept up the “I can’t afford it” mantra in my mind, I’d never have let in all of the goodness that is flowing into my life.

So next time you think you can’t afford it, think again.

© 2008 Alexis Martin Neely

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include everything in quotes with it: “Written by Alexis Martin Neely, mom, writer, speaker and Personal Family Lawyer. Alexis makes it super easy for your family to talk about and plan for sticky subjects like money, death and taxes. Get Alexis’ humorous, enlightening, and often quite revealing “Family Wealth Secrets” at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com.”

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They say it takes a village to raise a child. In my case, it takes the support of a harem, or so it seems.

When I was married, my husband and I bickered incessantly about whose turn it was to take care of the kids. We were in constant battle for “alone time.” Or so it seemed.

My husband was certain that if I wasn’t working, it was my time to be with the kids because he had been with them all day.

My position was, “hey, you’re the stay at home dad, that means you get them ready for bed while I respond to email.”

I imagine this battle goes on in many households with little children who have lots of needs and parents who either don’t want to spend the money for childcare, feel too guilty to have extra help, or think they should be able to do it all by themselves.

We were in all three of these categories.

I was making the money and thought (wrongly, I might add) that if hubby was staying home with the kids that meant we didn’t need childcare. It felt like I’d be paying twice and I was so unhappy at my job that I didn’t want to do anything that would increase our expenses and at the same time the pressure of the golden handcuffs.

And, I felt so much guilt being away from my kids everyday while I went to work that I couldn’t imagine putting them in a sitter’s care in the evenings or on the weekends too! Dear husband didn’t do much to alleviate that guilt at all and I regularly accused him of perpetuating it so that he could get some more “alone time” – our currency of trade in the house. Of course, his apparent disapproval was mostly a reflection of my own internal harping, but that didn’t make it any less meaningful at the time.

I felt as if I was getting constant messages that said “Alexis, you SHOULD be able to do this without anymore help. What’s wrong with you?”

Should or shouldn’t, guilt or no guilt, the truth of the matter was, I needed help! For the first several years though, I refused to get it and chose bitterness and resentment instead.

Ultimately, that festered into a divorce on one hand and a reunion on the other.

I divorced my dear husband, but I found my Truth in the doing.

That’s a big statement, I know.  Yet, it’s true.

I won’t bore you now with the details of my spiritual journey; that we’ll save for another time. Suffice it to say that I found the humility to realize I couldn’t do it all alone. I needed a whole heckuva lot of help if I was going to be the kind of mommy I wanted to be and run successful businesses.

Over the past three years, I have learned to know myself, accept myself and love myself.  Most of the time.

The Truth of the matter is that I am an entrepreneur and I love it; it’s my art. If I wasn’t doing it, I’d again become that bitter, dry, overweight woman I became when I tried to deny who and what I was.

I was in a constant battle with who I was and who I thought I should be.

When I was with my kids, I felt guilty that I wasn’t getting my work done. When I was working, I felt guilty I wasn’t with my kids. A never ending cycle, I’m sure you’re familiar with and if you aren’t ask any Stay at Work Mom. (I first heard the term “Stay at Work Mom” from my comrade in overcoming guilt, Denise Berger, a mom of 2 kids with a high powered job as the the Global Chair of the Aon Corporation’s Women’s International Network – fancy name for their work/life balance expert.)

It was a vicious, never-ending cycle and I was never good enough.

But then one day I woke up and realized I was good enough and I deserved all good in my life and that I had to accept myself to get that all good coming into my life.

Ok, truth be told, I didn’t just wake up one day and realize that, it came painfully and with many ups and downs, bumps and bruises, tears, retreats, and reading just about every spiritual book I could get my hands on.

But after all that, thanks to the hard work I did and hearing the right words at the right time, I realized I deserved help!

Today, I’ve got a harem of women helping me raise my kids (and a couple of great guys as well). Well, I always said everyone should have a wife; who knew I’d need so many?

So, what does it really take to keep my ship afloat?

My kids are with me every other week. On the week they are with me, Lourdes comes three days. I love Lourdes. She takes great care of me, even sewing my clothes when I rip the seam on something or pop a button. I tried 7 housekeepers before I found Lourdes, but she was worth the search.

I have two babysitters during the week because they are both in school and Anna, our first babysitter, wanted to work less than I needed someone. But, she and Noah have such a great bond that we both wanted her to see the kids at least one of the days when they are with me, so she goes to our parent participation Co-Op with him on my work day. She’s even going to make his graduation book for me. Stuff like that stressed me out to the max and I’m so relieved she’s taking care of it.

Chelsey comes the other 4 days and I’ve got so much trust and faith in her that during the work day I can focus just on my businesses and know the kids are well taken care of, loved, having a good time and getting where they need to go.

In 2 weeks, Jodi’s moving in and she’s going to do all the grocery shopping, organizing, cooking, and other domestic stuff that doesn’t happen with just me at home. Jodi and I met through a website called Co-Abode, where single moms looking for roommates connect. Jodi has a 9-month old baby who is cute as a button and I’ve got a huge house with an extra bedroom. Jodi loves to cook and do homemaker stuff and I love to work on my business. A wife without the sexual duties!

Why am I telling you all this? Because it all changed for me when I heard another Stay at Work Mom talk about the nearly full household staff that kept her home running and instead of feeling judgment, I felt this deep awareness that she deserved it and so did I.

If I can inspire one of you reading this to recognize that you deserve support and that it’s okay to ask for help and keep asking until you get what you need (even if other people seem to judge you for it), my disclosure was worth it.

This article was inspired by Penelope Trunk, The Brazen Careerist, who wrote today about post partum depression so openly and it occurred to me that I had a multi-year post-partum depression and when I really stopped to think about it, I realized it wasn’t post-partum depression it was that having my children caused me so much self judgment that I had no choice but to let go of all of it and totally accept myself as I was lest I drive myself insane.

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I’m back from NYC and if you want to get a sneak peek on what I was doing there, check me out on Better TV. And, welcome to all of you new subscribers who saw me there!

You’ll be able to name guardians on the KidsProtectionPlan.com website very, very soon. It was supposed to be done last week, but … we had a few more tweaks before we could release it to you.

I promise you, it will be well worth the wait.

My kids were sick all week while I was gone much to the chagrin of my ex who was taking care of them all week (and did a fantastic job!), but just when I thought they were getting all better, Kaia got an earache and ruptured her eardrum!

The poor bean was in excruciating pain that is just now getting better.

Speaking of parenting, the Britney saga continues with her parents finally taking back control. And while you may think her case has no lessons from you, you’ll be surprised when you read this week’s article - check it out.

******************UPDATE*********************

Starting May 2, you can see me on Better TV every Friday as the new Family Financial and Legal Expert.

In May, I’ll be talking about why, as a parent, it’s not enough just to wear clean underwear when you leave your house and what else you should be doing, recession busters, why and how to be your family CFO and get your financial house in order, tips for planning your next family vacation on a budget, whether you need to worry about the nanny tax and, if so, what you should be doing.

“See” you there!

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When I first went into business for myself, I had no idea how difficult the financial record keeping part of things would be. As an entrepreneur, it’s my least favorite part.

But, it’s also one of the most critical.

And, it’s something I overlooked for the first 3 years of my business.

I trusted that other people were taking care of it, when they really weren’t. Balls were dropped. Payroll taxes got missed. Estimated taxes weren’t paid.

I got my first heads-up that things were bad when Drew Hunt, the forensic accountant valuing my business during my divorce, looked at me and said “Alexis, your books are messed up!”

I didn’t do anything about it.

The next wake-up call came when I found out we’d missed a month of payroll taxes and I owed a big penalty. I still didn’t do anything about it.

The last straw was when I ended up with an unanticipated 6-figure tax bill last year. Sure, it means business was good, but I was not prepared to pay the taxes. I finally decided I was going to do something about it.

I fired my CPA and hired a new CPA, Mark Pribble, who understood that he was going to have to takeover and do it all for me. He was not going to expect me to do anything financial record keeping related other than sign the checks. He installed a bookkeeper, Jan, in my office and started to get it all under control.

And thank God he did because a few months later I got another huge wakeup call – an audit notice from the IRS. Worst of all? They were auditing 2005, the year of my divorce. The year that the forensic accountant told me my books were messed up. Oh no!?! Oh, yes.

I nearly lost it. Taxes are the next worst thing to death, right? What was I going to do?

Luckily, I figured it out.

Today, I am overjoyed to report that after a nearly year-long audit, I got a no change letter in the mail. What’s that mean? It means that I don’t owe a dime. It’s truly unbelievable, but I think I know the secrets to why that happened and what you should do if you get the dreaded letter in the mail. Here they are:

1. Stay calm and accept the reality of the situation

My first inclination when I got the news was to run screaming through my house yelling “Why me, oh why me?” Truth be told, I did cry. I was scared to death. I knew how messed up my books were and couldn’t imagine how we’d ever be able to prove all the expenses. But within a few hours, I had calmed down. I accepted the situation, called my CPA who also helped calm me down and made the decision to handle the audit using all of the spiritual muscle I had developed over the prior 3 years.

2. Turn it over

You’ve heard the saying that “He who represents himself has a fool for a client and an idiot for a lawyer”, well, it’s the same for representing yourself before the IRS. This is not something you should do yourself. The stress is not worth it. Stress causes more disease than eating poorly, smoking, drinking or not exercising ever did.

I can’t imagine anything more stressful than handling your own audit. It’s just not worth it.

I resigned myself to paying Mark’s big bills each month and asked him to take over and keep me out of it to the largest extent possible. Fortunately for me, he did just that.

I gave him unrestricted access to my assistant Corey and gave Corey unrestricted access to my whole life. Between the two of them and Mark’s awesome colleague Elizabeth, they responded to every single document production request.
Thank you Elizabeth, Corey and Mark! I didn’t just turn it over to Mark though.

I turned it over to God. I trusted that the whole thing would turn out exactly as it was supposed to and each time I started to panic, I reminded myself that I was doing everything I could (hired a professional to handle it), it was already done (I couldn’t do anything to change the situation), and it would be all good (regardless of the outcome, I’d handle it and be okay).
Trust me, in the beginning, I thought about it all the time and it was not always easy to remember these things; I had to do a lot of reminding. But, eventually, I stopped worrying about it altogether.

3. Don’t talk about it a lot, but also don’t keep secrets either

When something “bad” is happening in our lives, we have a natural inclination to talk about it with everyone we know.

I resisted that inclination, though it came up a lot. I wanted to commiserate with everyone I knew.

But, I knew if I focused energy on it, it would grow and that, I did not want. So, I minimized the energy I gave it instead.

I only talked about it when I absolutely had to because I was asked a direct question or had to give some guidance to Corey, Mark or Elizabeth.

I also didn’t keep anything a secret. I was totally candid with the team working on my behalf. That’s the only way they could help me. And, they were totally candid with the IRS.

4. Take responsibility, but don’t take it personally or blame yourself

Getting audited brings up so many emotions.

You may be tempted to blame yourself. I did this a little bit – cursing myself for not keeping my records better and paying attention to my financials. In my worst moments, I convinced myself I could have done something to change the situation, if only I had … or if only I was … you fill in the blanks.

You may be tempted to take it personally and lash out against the agent auditing you. Remember that the IRS agent is a human being doing his or her job. They are not out to get you. They are there to do their job and that’s it. If you are a jerk, your outcome will not be favorable. If instead, you remain aware that you are an adult and that one “cost” of living and working in the United States is that you are subject to tax audit, it’ll go much more smoothly.

If you get audited, just remember that all you have to do is respond to the requests for information by providing records where you have them, explanations where you don’t, and keep the truth in mind that it’s all going to work out fine. No matter what.

Take a deep breath.

Wow, what a relief!

© 2007 Alexis Martin Neely

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include everything in quotes with it: “Written by Alexis Martin Neely, mom, writer, speaker and Personal Family Lawyer. Alexis makes it super easy for your family to talk about and plan for sticky subjects like money, death and taxes. Get Alexis’ humorous, enlightening, and often quite revealing “Family Wealth Secrets” at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com.

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I’ve been giving the issue of co-parenting, custody and the “best interest of the kids” a lot of thought recently.

I know so many people who kick themselves for having had children with the father or mother of their children.

I haven’t yet met someone who is a single parent by choice (as opposed to widowed) and is co-parenting with their “baby-daddy” or “baby-mama” who hasn’t at least once entertained the thought of “Oh my God, how could I actually have had children with this human being!?! My children are doomed!”

Truthfully, I don’t think I’ve met a couple who is still together and hasn’t thought that at least once! These feelings are obviously much stronger and more frequent when you are no longer in a loving partnership.

It becomes very difficult during such times to know what’s in the best interest of your kids.

Here’s what I return to … though honestly sometimes it can take a while to get back to this kind of thinking if I’m really riled up.

1. So long as my kids are physically safe, it is in their best interest to have a great relationship with their dad.

2. It is my job to empower my kids to deal with anything that comes their way in life and to look within themselves for their values.

3. I trust that inherently my kids know what feels right and what doesn’t and if I give them the tools to connect with their own internal barometer of rightness, they can adapt to all situations and events and learn from every experience - even those experiences I’d rather they didn’t have.

So, what can you do in those moments when you are cursing the day you decided to have kids with your “baby-daddy” or “baby-mama”?

- ask yourself how you can support your ex to be the best parent he or she can be without having to control the situation?

- make the decision to learn strategies to co-parent together — it may mean you have to go to a class or a therapist together. There are many great options.

- this one is the hardest, but if you can do it, you will feel great. Concede, even when you are in the right and realize that when you are not dug into a position, but instead flexible and kind (even when he or she is not!) that it’s better for your kids.

It takes a huge gulp of humble pie to do it, but afterwards I almost always feel liberated, light, and free. In contrast, as I’m kvetching over the whole thing before I’ve decided what to do and how to handle my feelings of massive consternation and guilt, I’ve got a massive pit in my stomach and a weight on my shoulders

I hope these guidelines provide some comfort to you the next time you are bemoaning the fact that you had children with your kids’ other parent - together or not.

© 2008 Alexis Martin Neely

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include everything in quotes with it: “Written by Alexis Martin Neely, mom, writer, speaker and Personal Family Lawyer. Alexis makes it super easy for your family to talk about and  plan for sticky subjects like money, death and taxes. Get Alexis’ humorous, enlightening, and often quite revealing “Family Wealth Secrets” at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com.”

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I’m reading a fantastic book, titled “Generation Me” by Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D.

I’ve been fascinated by generational issues lately, thinking quite a lot about where I fit in among generations.

It seems to me that being born in 1973 puts me at the very beginning of “Generation Me.”

Either that, or I’m in some bridge generation between the Boomers and Gen Y. The Gen X moniker doesn’t really feel right to me.

I’d rather be a bridge than Gen X, but I like Generation Me the best, it seems to fit like a glove.

Anyway, none of that is here nor there for what I really want to talk about, which is how much life as we know it has changed from the Boomer generation to now.

As Twenge points out, “Today, few of [the] rules apply. We are driven instead by our individual needs and desires. We are told to follow our dreams, to pursue happiness above all else. It’s OK to be different, and you should do what’s right for you. Compared to Boomers in 1973, GenMe is twice as likely to agree with the statement ‘There is no single right way to live.’ Young people say that the most important quality a child can learn is ‘to think for himself or herself.’ and only half as many young people as old say that obedience is a good lesson for children.”

Only a generation or so ago, everything was about fitting into the societal norm. Twenge shows two holiday photos in her book - the first taken in 1955. You can imagine the photo. Everyone is all prim and proper, barely touching. Both the teenage daughter and the young son are wearing bow ties for Pete’s sake! There’s nothing at all expressive about this group. I imagine their holiday photo looks just like the holiday photos they received from friends and family.

Today, it’s all about self-expression. Body art, video blogs, Radical Transparency. Life isn’t about fitting in anymore, it’s about standing out.

I see it as evolution. Many others call it devolution.

Here’s how I see it.

It’s evolution because what it’s doing is forcing us to look within for our own values, our own truths and not to accept the truths of society just because everyone says it’s true. There is no longer an “everyone” to say what’s true.

And yet, I believe as we each begin to look within, what we will find is a common Truth with a capital T that goes far deeper than the appearance of common unity in the 1960s and instead results in true community.

© 2008 Alexis Martin Neely

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include everything in quotes with it: “Written by Alexis Martin Neely, mom, writer, speaker and Personal Family Lawyer. Alexis makes it super easy for your family to talk about and  plan for sticky subjects like money, death and taxes. Get Alexis’ humorous, enlightening, and often quite revealing “Family Wealth Secrets” at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com.”

My kitty Ellie was hit by a car last weekend; she died instantly.

I found out when a neighbor came into my house to let me know there was a cat in my driveway. When I went outside, there was Ellie, laying on her side. She looked like she was sleeping, but she was gone.

I was devastated.

And then I had to tell my kids and decide whether they should see her.

I decided that they should have a chance to say goodbye and I carried her in my arms to where they were playing.

When I was a kid, our dog died. I don’t remember my parents helping me to process the grief at all. What I do remember is that, like my kids, I didn’t express sadness immediately. I didn’t really know what to say.

My parents took that to mean I didn’t care and said words that led me to believe there was something wrong with me for 1) not noticing our dog was gone earlier and 2) not feeling immediate sadness that he was gone.

Looking back now, I realize this was just one case where my parents had a lot of thoughts about the ways I “should” feel about things.

That made it difficult for me later in life to discern how I did feel v. how I should feel.

And, I’m sure it contributed to the fact that even now I have a difficult time expressing my feelings with my mom.

When my kids saw me carrying Ellie and I told them what happened, they didn’t really seem that upset. They had a friend over and wanted to keep playing. They comforted me momentarily and then returned to their game. (side note: their friend’s dad was over when the whole thing happened and was fine with me telling my kids while he was there).

Had I judged their reactions in the moment, I would have done just what my parents did and made them feel as if there was something wrong with them for not feeling sadness or acting more sad that Ellie was gone. All that would have done is made them feel bad and made it very unlikely they would feel safe expressing their sadness later.

I didn’t comment at all on their feelings. I just let them know I was sad and let them keep playing.

Later on in the evening, when their friend had left, Kaia and Noah started asking a lot of questions about Ellie and I asked them to each share what they loved about Ellie the most. It was then that the tears fell for both of them.

By giving them their own time and space to process Ellie’s death, I gave my kids the dignity and respect of dealing with their feelings in their own way and in their own time. Sometimes that’s hard to do because we have expectations of “the way things should be” in the moment. But if we can take a step back and allow every person to have his or her own experience and accept that expression exactly as it is, our own ability to be authentic in the moment will grow stronger.

Ohhhhh, yes. I definitely ate too much.

We did Thanksgiving the right way this year at my house. Well, not really my house. Actually, the condo in Miami Beach I rented with my sister and her boyfriend, Aaron.

Yep, boyfriend. There they are right there.

He’s the first guy she has willingly introduced to the family, so you know it’s serious. And, family he got . . . we’re in Miami with my mom, stepmom, grandma, and my stepmom’s parents and sister.

That’s a whole lot of women! He held his own very well.

And, for all you girls who have secretly started to believe you should just settle for the next okay guy because that’s all that’s out there - Aaron is proof that it’s worth it to hold out! Don’t settle for someone you know isn’t Mr. Right; someone you are secretly hoping will grow up or change in some way.

Instead, focus your energy on becoming a secure and confident woman. And, like Courtney, you can find your secure and confident man. We attract what we are.

Anyway, back to Thanksgiving.

We did it the easy way this year; my mom ordered in and we re-heated. It was perfect! Everything was so tasty and my Nan didn’t have to slave away in the kitchen all day.

And, I got a few minutes to browse a few of my favorite blogs. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to this whole gratitude thing all day.

I know it’s the key to happiness. The more grateful and appreciative I am, the better I feel. And, yet, I struggle with it immensely.

The little version of me is convinced that if I express too much gratitude for something or someone, it will be taken away. Of course, just the opposite is true. But, try telling that to the undisciplined 13-year old that lives in my head. She’s impatient, bitter and ungracious.

So, I was totally stoked to come across Tim Ferris’ blog post about the 21-Day no-complaint solution. It’s just what I need to train “little Alexis”into a state of gratitude, or at the very least become aware when she’s taken over my thoughts.

When I spoke at the Aon women’s networking meeting a few weeks ago, Denise Berger, Managing Director and WIN Global Chair, gave me a beautiful energy muse bracelet I’ve been wearing ever since. I’m going to use this bracelet as my no-complaint bracelet. It’s perfect. Thanks Denise!

Anybody want to join me in the 21-Day No-Complaint Solution? If so, let me know by leaving a comment.

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My ex-husband is a trust fund kid, sort of.

He wasn’t born into wealth, he was adopted in by his step-father, Lew Crosley. And because he was adopted, he gets to take part in one of the small Crosley family trusts.

Lew was the great-grandson of Powel Crosley, Jr., the inventor of Crosley cars, radios, and many early appliances. He was also the owner of the Cincinatti Reds.

Powel became a very rich man during his time and left behind a substantial fortune.

Unfortunately, he structured the passage of this fortune in such a way that it didn’t incentivize or even encourage his successors to build that wealth.

The Crosley fortune is tied up in multiple trusts managed by Fifth Third bank, one of the oldest and most conservative banks in Ohio.

As Trustees of the trusts holding the Crosley fortune, they are responsible for doling out the income and principal of those trusts.

Because of the way the trusts are set up, the beneficiaries would have an extremely difficult time removing and replacing the trustees.

In fact, there have been numerous lawsuits against the trustees over the years by various family members.

The trustees are very tight with the trust assets. They have no incentive to play nice with the beneficiaries because they know they are locked in as trustees, which comes along with big annual fees.

And, the trust is set up as one big pot trust for all the descendants and all income is distributed evenly to each beneficiary.

What this means is that when a beneficiary qualifies for a principal distribution, such as for a health need, the distribution shrinks the shares belonging to the rest of the beneficiaries. Not good.

Because the beneficiaries have a right to all income, their natural inclination is to want the assets invested for income, not growth, which means the trust value is unlikely to increase significantly over time.

Money is earned by the trust, the trustees distribute it and the beneficiaries spend it, generally on non-wealth building items.

Contrast that with the new paradigm of trust planning in which the trust is the centerpiece of the family wealth building tools.

Here are some differences:

* Trustees are easily removed by beneficaries.

* Trust assets are separated out by shares for each beneficiary, so each beneficiaries spending and investment decisions have no impact on anothers.

* And, the assets are retained in trust and distributions made only on an as-needed basis to the beneficiary so that all of the trust assets are protected from lawsuits against the beneficiary as well as divorce and even estate taxes.

* Last, but far from least, the trustee is encouraged to invest in new businesses started by the beneficiary and take advantage of family investment opportunities that may increase significantly in value over time.

* Yesterday’s trusts created alcoholic/drug addict kids who were just waiting for mom and dad to pop off so they could get their hands on the family money.

* Today trusts prepare your kids for a life of family wealth building, which is the real legacy you want to leave behind.

So, job #1 for you is to begin to shift your thinking about the use of trusts. See a trust as a vehicle to grow your family wealth at each generation.

Talk to your Personal Family Lawyer about whether a trust like this may be a good idea for your family.

© 2007 Alexis Martin

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