If you are a mom, you know just what I’m talking about.

What I wonder is, does it ever go away?

My son, Noah, broke his arm this week when him and his sister were jumping on the bed at their dad’s house.

I spent the night in the hospital with him; it turned out he needed surgery.

And, yes, for those of you who have known me a while, it was his other arm (he broke his left arm 18 months ago after walking off the bleachers at Kaia’s gymnastics class and needed surgery on that arm too!)

I can tell you this, it’s much easier the second time around.

And, I can also tell you that when your child breaks his arm two times in two years, social services pays you a visit.

My advice if it ever happens to you is to stay calm and be understanding. The social workers are there to protect children, they aren’t blaming you and so long as you’ve done nothing wrong, don’t worry about a thing.

The only part I couldn’t understand is why they had to send the social worker to interview us in the hospital at 4am!  I had finally gotten to sleep and in he comes and made me wake up Noah to tell him how he’d broken his arm.

Luckily, Noah woke up, told him about the game of airplane and went right back to sleep.

After getting home from the hospital on Thursday, Noah went back to Todd’s house to finish out his week with dad.

Noah asked for me constantly the entire rest of the week. And, on Monday morning before I went to pick him up, he woke up at 3:30am asking when I’d come and get him.

He told us both that he wants to live with mommy and only come visit daddy.

Noah is 4 years old.  My heart is breaking.

Imagine how his dad feels.

So, what’s the right thing to do here?

I wish I could say I have all the answers, but I don’t.  In fact, I have none of them at this point.

What I do know is that I feel the most extreme form of mommy guilt ever.

Should Noah come to live with me?  What about his relationship with his dad?  There don’t appear to be any right answers in this scenario.

And yet, I know for certain that whatever is supposed to happen will.

This is a prime opportunity for me to trust from a place of knowing that everything is unfolding exactly as it should.

My job is to keep my heart open, act from a place of love not fear, and trust that God will show me the way.

It feels good to not have to have all the answers sometimes.

I just wish I could make this mommy guilt go away.  The answer, of course, is to stop resisting it and just feel it.

Allow it to be as it is.

I can’t be all things to my kids at all times and they are going to want more from me than I can give them many, many, many times throughout the rest of their lives.

I’m learning to be okay with that.  I’m learning to counter those guilt thoughts and feelings with the awareness that I’m a damn good mom and to pour even more love on myself whenever those feelings start to come on.

Yep, that’s right - see, the guilt is really a reflection of my own judgment of myself - judgment for getting divorced, judgment for not wanting to spend 24 hours a day with my kids, judgment for spending time building my businesses instead of parenting my kids.

The more I release those judgments by loving myself just the way I am, the less guilt I feel.

It’s a real journey, I’ll tell ya.  It all begins with self-forgiveness.

So, next time you are feeling guilt about anything, look within, forgive yourself and give yourself the love you so deserve.

Copyright 2007 by Alexis Neely. This article may be copied and used in your own newsletter or on your website as long as you include the following information:  "Written by Alexis Neely, mom, writer, speaker and personal family lawyer. Yes, a lawyer who brings more wealth, health and happiness to your life.  Find out how on her website at: www.FamilyWealthMatters.com"

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