We had a breakthrough in my house a couple of days ago.

Kaia is seven now and she still spends quite a bit of time whining and crying when she doesn’t get her way.

I’m sure you know just what I’m talking about. But, mmmmmooooommmmm, pleeeeaaaasssseeee! I want to [insert whatever she wants or doesn’t want here].

As soon as I heard the whiny voice my shoulders would tense up and I couldn’t hear anything she was saying, which would invariably frustrate her even more.

I’m sure you’ve been stuck in just such a pattern before.

You want someone to do something or not do something. They want to do just the opposite and instead of having a rational talk about it, you each have an emotional response and you can no longer hear each other.

So, two days ago, as soon as I heard her whining start, rather than retreating into my own frustration, I took a breath. And, I realized I had to teach her a better way to get what she wants.

I told her that if she took a breath I could help her get what she wanted. She seemed to think that sounded like a good idea and calmed down so she could hear me. Phew!

I told Kaia all she had to do was give me a reason that I should agree to what she was asking for.

She wanted to play a game with me, I wanted to read books and get in bed. I was tired!

Kaia’s first attempt at reason - Mom, I’ll give you a thousand kisses.

Well, that’s very nice but it’s not convincing me. I’m tired and want to get to sleep. A thousand kisses aren’t going to get me there. I explained to her she had to show me why her plan would not mean I would have to stay awake longer.

Ok, mom, I’ve got it. We can play one game and then read one book instead of reading three books. Mom, I really want to play a game with you while Noah’s sleeping because when he’s awake we don’t get to play.

Who can argue with that?

She’s shown me that I won’t have to stay up any longer AND has expressed to me a very good reason I should play with her now rather than waiting until tomorrow.

My daughter is on her way to becoming a master negotiator. I can’t imagine a better skill for her to have.

So, next time you feel yourself having an emotional response to someone who seems to be standing in your way, take a breath, and try and find the common ground that will serve both of your end results.

Have a fantastic rest of your week!

Dedicated to Your Family’s Well-Being,

~Alexis

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